The Managing Model

So I finally got the meeting set up yesterday. After all the time wasting emails, all it took was for the two bigshots to agree on a time and everything else would have fell into place. But no, I had to send multiple emails to the parties involved, call up secretaries, try to get them to make space for this meeting and in the end, all it took was for one of the bosses to make a decision on the time.

To begin with, I think the working model for the company is untenable. The management is so busy with meetings that he does not have room for ad-hoc matters that requires their attention. How then does he get time to think about vision and strategy for the company? That should be the job of the top executives not just the CEO. Sure, their job is to look at the more micro details that does not reach the Chief Executive but if all they do is minutia, what separates them from the other workers? The scary part about not having time to think is that they are more easily steered by the recommendations of the various operating departments who work in isolated silos. Information can be couched and presented in a different light to support a local cause that may not align with the companies goals.

I believe that people should be allowed to work at slightly under capacity to allow for recuperation and room for additional ideas. There are so many projects that I would like to start that will help with productivity or knowledge preservation which the department is sorely lacking. But what little I have done in my spare time, I have neither time to organize, rethink or present in a manner that will make them useful.

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A Journey of Self Searching

I'm determined to find the something that is my calling. For both me and Johnny, our material needs are easily taken care of. We know we can get by with fairly little.

This morning, I was once again trying to organize a meeting for several bigshots of the company and it really makes me depressed. Why I really hate this activity is a bit of a mystery. It's not so much that it's secretarial work but the fact that these people are just not very cooperative. Or rather their schedules are packed too tightly and we are unable to get them for urgent and important meetings. It's true that it's on short notice but there are decisions that need to be made. The company moves like an emcumbered dinosaur, where the top execs are too busy attending to every small detail that there is no time for other things. There's always meetings after meetings to attend. Everything is done in a committee form. And the departments fight among themselves to safeguard their own interests which I feel are not necessarily aligned with that of the shareholder.

So I still dunno why it pains me to do this. Maybe it's just dull work...
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I feel like myself

I've stopped playing WoW. Ever since then I've found time for many things, simple things like plain ole' introspection. With a game as engaging as WoW, where you can immerse yourself for countless hours, it is easily to do just that. Since I'm still waiting for the expansion and new things to do, we've stopped our subscription. In a stroke of divine collaboration, his graphics card died a week before it ended.

We've picked up other games but they are less demanding. I've gone back to my routine on the elliptical trainer. I wouldn't call it a workout. That would be self-deception. But in the backdrop of the sedentary lifestyle I lead, it's definitely better than nothing at all; he has also started to play basketball over the weekends. Sometimes, when you get so involved in things, it's good to take a step back and think about what you wanted to get from it and whether you were getting it. During my dark period, my attitude towards the game was deteriorating and when I had the opportunity to stop, I did.

So now I'm back to introspecting, thinking about what I want to get from life. I have no noble causes that I'm fighting for. I merely want to bring out the best in myself.

I want to find work I am passionate for, something I would do even if I weren't paid for it. It's a big cliche and it's easier said than done. But I'm trying to go with the approach of scrutinizing the little tasks that I get excited over at work. Perhaps in the end this will lead me somewhere. It's not as mechanical as algebra but I get that same feeling of exhilaration from permutating variables and identifying some logic in the madness. Yes, that one part of me that doesn't change. I am THE math nerd.

I love math, I love looking for patterns, I also love to ... improve on the interface for organizing, changing and reporting these numbers that I work with. Okay, that didn't come out right. I'm sure I'll find out why I got excited about it. Perhaps it's the notion of leaving something concrete that actually improves productivity rather than pushing paper with a ten yard stir fry stick. I've been thinking and feeling very optimistic and once again the world is my oyster (That's how the saying goes right? Somehow oyster sounds seriously nasty to me).

More importantly, I feel like I have found myself in me again. Even if I'm still lost in other respects.
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