Work = :o(

:( :( :( hating work...overworked and bored out of my skull...
I want to find my real calling.
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So it is possible to bored and busy all at the same time. I've been chugging along my job for a while and I'm yearning for a change. Anything but this endless overworked routine.

Recently, I've not been feeling well. It ddin't start just recently but many months back. I started having this extremely uncomfortable bloatedness and gassiness that comes with the usual accompaniments of burps and eructations. Recently it seems to have gotten worse. I've been burping the whole day and about once or twice get that retching feeling from having burped too much. I went to the company doctor yesterday when I had a slight fever as well. She gave me some indigestion and gastric medicine but it doesn't feel like it's relieving me of this suffering.

I was very annoyed when my colleague mentioned a second time that I should see a gynae. Firstly, I told him pointedly that any pregnancy that comes with abdominal pains and a fever would probably be a miscarriage. Later, when my other colleagues suggested that I drink hot chocolate after eliminating tea, coffee, milk etc from the list of 'approved' beverages, he said what I needed was a drip. I was just such an insensitive remark to someone who wasn't feeling well. So when he mentioned the gynae thing AGAIN, i told him that I was going to ignore him for the rest of the day. Fine, I concede that it sounds really childish in the 'I don't want to friend you' flavour but since I couldn't outright scold him, that was about the best I could think of at that time >_<

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Personal Bubble

I remember I read somewhere a long time ago that everyone has their own personal bubble/ space whereby they are uncomfortable to share with those not close to their hearts. I remember it as a force shield around myself whereby if people invades it, my defence systems go up and I try to distance myself.

Blogs somewhat change the landscape a little as we learnt to share our life with potentially millions of strangers all over the world. The idea of personal space is vastly different. While I'm comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts, I find myself reluctant to put down anything that physically uniquely identifies myself. I guess I'm not sure I want acquaintances to know exactly how I think. The whole idea of that is somehow embarassing even though I don't say anything I wouldn't say normally. But I guess in a way I feel constrained by the potential audience to talk about personal life. That's one of the reasons why I was on a blog hiatus for so long


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More Pics Pls!

I think I don't put up pictures often enough. Usually I can get quite narcissistic when the mood strikes and I go camera crazy. And after that, I'll take another two to three weeks before I load them onto my pc. And then it's another few months before I even think about uploading them. Just realized that I used to use this Hello program for blogger. I'll have to look it up again.

From a manufacturing stand point, I have a horrendous lead time in putting up any pictures. I also have qualms about showing personal pictures on the internet. No wonder I'm not popular :)

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Happy

Was reading about this 26 year old lady, M, on one of the local forums who claimed that she is holding a job that pays SGD20k but is so tired it all that she wants to quit her job and go backpacking while living on her investments which is yielding her 10k a month. Regardless of whether it is true (and it could well be), it was pretty sad when she talked about how her husband and parents are too busy working to accompany her on a trip and how meaningless life is. And then she asked "What keeps you going?"

I thought about it and looked at my life. I'm the same age as her and though I earn but a fraction of her income, I'm perfectly happy with every aspect of my life. Not happy as in satisfied and contented per se -- I still want to get out of this job, but my goals are very clear.

• My love for my husband is fulfiling.
• I'm looking for a job that will keep me intellectually occupied.
• I'm planning to take a CFA course just for the heck of learning.
• I want to have time to take care of my kids in the not too near, not too distant future.
• I wouldn't mind being a stay at home mum, making bentos for my loved ones.
• I want to continue writing.
• I want to have more time for my interests: reading, learning random new skills (like make-up haha)

One of the things I've never really wanted though is all the silly money, status, luxury stuff. Not to say that I won't take the money if given to me, but it's not important. I know I will have enough for my simple needs. I know I live a free life with little regrets. And you know, that's really all that matters.

*Darling and I concluded that it's because we are anti-social that we don't care about the usual things other people care about like money etc... I'm not sure I like the term anti-social but I figured he's probably right. We're just not the kind of people who cares about what other people think.
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Days Off

I'm one of those weird people who'd use my annual leave to sit at home and rest. Sometimes I'm just so sick of work I need to recharge at home. The best part about such holidays is the morning when you wake up and you just back slump lazily in glee that it's not a work day. Many people I know have very purposeful holidays, usually for short trips or vacations. The whole inactivity that I pursue will surely affront their need for productivity. Ah the joys of being in a state of bovine contentment.

Of course, the more enjoyable a holiday is, the greater the backlash when you return to work. One day, I'll find a job that I look forward to on a Sunday evening.
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People that Don't Click

There are just some people I can get along with. Esp if it's people who've insulted me before.

I was asked to work with this manager (let's call him Xxx) on a particular assignment. Upon deciding that I was probably too nooby for his taste, Xxx quietly asked my senior in the department to join in the meeting. Thanks for the great vote of no confidence... I was about 6 mths++ into the job at that point and I certainly did not enjoy the snub.

A while back, he also told his department that he doesn't celebrate Valentine's day coz the restaurants/ florists etc jacks up their prices. Or as he puts it "I don't play that game". It was all fine up till there until he added that celebrates it one week before (or is it after). Any sliver of respect for him that I might have accumulated was out of the window.

Let's put it this way. If a guy is just too absent minded or just plainly not the romantic sort (aka my darling), I don't really care if we don't do V-day. (I don't really care either way actually. Never put much stock on V-days. I'm perfectly happy buying and eating post V-day chocolates at half price >_<). But if a guy buys me post/pre v-day on the pretext of saving money, I'd be quite annoyed. If you are too cheap to get me the real thing, please don't give cheap substitutes insulting my ability to differentiate between the two and worse of all try to justify it by decrying the commercialism of the whole event. Thanks bud, you're not fooling anyone... at least not me.
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Esteemed

I have low self-esteem. I've known it for years but it doesn't stop this chronic termite from gnawing at me. I have clarity in what I want to be but without the steel cocoon of confidence, I'm easily shaken. The contrary objections gets bolder in their attacks until it shatters what belief you have.

I have begun to heal with my darling by my side. Together we build from the abandoned remnants of my self-worth. It is a fragile, nascent structure, vulnerable to attacked. Even as it crumbles again and again, we start anew, undaunted, to build sand castles on the turbulent shores of my existence.
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Tim Smit's Business Rules

#1 Say hi to 20 people before you start work
#2 Read 2 books that are outside your sphere of interest
#3 Ditto but for movie
#4 Ditto but for thearter
#5 Make a speech about why you like working here
#6 Making major decisions at night: Work hat off-> more complete rounded perspective.
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The Blues

In my reality, the week's blues starts at Sunday night, right about 7pm when I'm paralyzed by an irrational urge to to cram in something that would make my weekend more wow than a good rest. In 20/20 hindsight, it's clearly a stressful and pretty much pointless endeavor that basically ruins a good sunday night.


• 7pm -8pm: Bemoan the fact that tomorrow is a Monday. Sometimes come with some moping.
  
• 8pm- 10pm: Play World of Warcraft as usual. Woes temporarily forgotten.
  
• 10-pm-11pm: Getting tired. Grumpy that I'm spending yet another night on a game.
  
• 11pm-12pm: More moping and dragging of feet. Occasionally clears up a corner of the mess on the sofa to feel productive.
  
• 12pm - : Go to bed feeling depressed that the weekend is over too soon.
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Blossoming Love

I wonder if the many many stereotypes regarding love and married life are there to set lower expectations and to avoid disappointment. He's had many guy friends ask him if he feels acutely the loss of freedom. And he just goes 'huh?'. We've never had to restrict each in any way or perhaps we are just lucky enough not to have hobbies that the other disapproves of.

The other day at a colleague's bond free party, his friend asked about when we got married and commented that we still have the look of newly weds. But in truth, I can't imagine love diluting as the years go by. In our minds, we were wed a long time ago in Cornell. Every year surprised us with how much love we can have for one another. We never thought it was possible to love as we do now. That such unadulterated emotions can be washed pale with the years is simply sacrilegious.

It's true that we do not argue or tiff much. We talk over things that tick us off -- well admittedly, it's mainly me telling him how to deal with my sensitivities (spell: being demanding >_<). He's either too easy going or I'm just too goooood *whistle*. So cheers to all blossoming love and may they be cling-wrap preserved.
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Inspiration

It's a unique pleasure to hear about a fairy tale exit to the void of these shackles, one which inspires hope and also retrospection in you. For every successful business case, there is an well-thought exit strategy.

My dreams are much smaller and private. I have not the desires to change the world or give back to society. The world moves on without my intervention. What I crave is to communicate my philosophy and maintain my own flavour of old school chivalry. In that respect I am a romantic. Perhaps my answer lies in education but I'm not sure I want to be caught up in the beureaucratic rat race that it is here. It leads my thoughts again to my writing. My writing that gets so cryptic that one has a difficult time getting what I mean. Some things also too complicated for me to describe. As it is, I have abadoned this passion for a long time. I didn't have the confidence to see it through and I don't know if I have it now.

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Dandelion Travels

The days go by with such flippancy that I'm surprised to find that I'm almost two years into the working world. Work has ceased to throw up new and interesting twists and I feel like I'm starting to sink into a well-worn-sofa work routine. I can tell that this is not the life for me but I can certainly imagine undecided young minds to settle into this known ennui.

For most people, the unknown is like a mystical entity from childhood, appearing so magical and beautiful in their youth but somehow reveals itself as a morphing stormy blackhole as they turn older. Perhaps this only trylu describes the older generation. The Gen Y-ers are great nomads of the world. Many people I know have scattered to the corners of the world.

I, too, am looking to start my great dendelion travel. __________________________________________________________