When I was young, I wasn't sure of what I really wanted to get out of life. I wasn't even sure of what I wanted to be. Sure, I was pretty good at my studies and it gave me enjoyment. But there wasn't a specific subject that interested me. I was uninterested with the world at large and now looking back, I looked like such a blank slate, directionless and waiting for some divine inspiration to nudge me into the right place of some massive jigsaw puzzle. I didn't believe there was a god per se, but I could always hope that there would be some clear indication of what I was good at doing. I was somewhat envious of my sister who wasn't good at her studies at all but was interested in and does well in art. For her, the path is clear.
In a sense, you could say it boils down to me being good at studying because it left me little room to be pursue specializations. I was too absorbed with being good in the studies game - it was just a single track mind of being the best in school work. It's not a bad thing really, because it keeps your canvas clean for when you really want to paint on it. Studying gives you options. It defers the decision point when you dip your brush into paint and put down the first splash of character. I started fairly late when I was 16. At that point, I felt like a self has truly emerged from my chrysalis. It's when the insipid I-ate-bread-this-morning diary entries became reflections of thoughts that slowly form the basis of my personal philosophy.
Writing was such a joy and it was like I couldn't stop. I wrote many many personal letters from then. They took hours to compose but I truly enjoyed them. It was only in university, after I settle in with Johnny that they stopped. Our relationship filled up my life and ironally left me little time to reflect and record our adventures in that little suburban town. It is only now when my work has receded to being a job that I find my voice again. Dang, it's now 5:30pm and I want to rush off to a shoes warehouse sale. I'll continue this another time....let's hope I don't lose the thread of thought.
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3 comments:
Hey gal...how are you? I hope you are feeling more cheery again these days. Work at one point made me very depressed too, that was why i quit and now looking for a new job.
i just got back to Melbourne from a holiday at NYC and a short stay at home. Yea...there were quite a few cherry blossom trees at Central Park. NYC was great. I haven't been updating my blog for a long time, hopefully will pick up again soon as my site is currently being redesigned, heh.
Anyway, why don't you and Johnny come to Australia for a trip someday soon? I can bring you guys around...hehe.
-YP
Hey YP, thanks for dropping by :) I am feeling much better these days. Heh heh now that we are spread all over the globe, we really need a common place to meet and catch up! Are you still enjoying photography? Haven't seen your pics in a while!! Do update your blog, yeah.
Yo gal, Happy Birthday to youu! Hope you have had a great day so far!
-YP
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