I feel like myself

I've stopped playing WoW. Ever since then I've found time for many things, simple things like plain ole' introspection. With a game as engaging as WoW, where you can immerse yourself for countless hours, it is easily to do just that. Since I'm still waiting for the expansion and new things to do, we've stopped our subscription. In a stroke of divine collaboration, his graphics card died a week before it ended.

We've picked up other games but they are less demanding. I've gone back to my routine on the elliptical trainer. I wouldn't call it a workout. That would be self-deception. But in the backdrop of the sedentary lifestyle I lead, it's definitely better than nothing at all; he has also started to play basketball over the weekends. Sometimes, when you get so involved in things, it's good to take a step back and think about what you wanted to get from it and whether you were getting it. During my dark period, my attitude towards the game was deteriorating and when I had the opportunity to stop, I did.

So now I'm back to introspecting, thinking about what I want to get from life. I have no noble causes that I'm fighting for. I merely want to bring out the best in myself.

I want to find work I am passionate for, something I would do even if I weren't paid for it. It's a big cliche and it's easier said than done. But I'm trying to go with the approach of scrutinizing the little tasks that I get excited over at work. Perhaps in the end this will lead me somewhere. It's not as mechanical as algebra but I get that same feeling of exhilaration from permutating variables and identifying some logic in the madness. Yes, that one part of me that doesn't change. I am THE math nerd.

I love math, I love looking for patterns, I also love to ... improve on the interface for organizing, changing and reporting these numbers that I work with. Okay, that didn't come out right. I'm sure I'll find out why I got excited about it. Perhaps it's the notion of leaving something concrete that actually improves productivity rather than pushing paper with a ten yard stir fry stick. I've been thinking and feeling very optimistic and once again the world is my oyster (That's how the saying goes right? Somehow oyster sounds seriously nasty to me).

More importantly, I feel like I have found myself in me again. Even if I'm still lost in other respects.
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