Break is over.

Dead tired.

5 more weeks of classes.

2 projects.

2 finals.

A good grey period.

And then a new phase in life.
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Pro-choice vs Pro-life

For the last 15 years, a brain-damaged Florida woman has layed on a hospital bed with a feeding tube attached.

Her name Terri Schiavo and she is in a persistent vegetative state.

For the past seven years, her husband and legal guardian has fought bitter court battles with her family over whether to remove her feeding tube and thus allowing her to die.

While she did not leave any written wishes if she were to be incapacitated, her husband contends his wife would not want to be kept alive artificially. Her parents, on the other hand, argues she had no such death wish and believe she could get better with rehabilitation.

It seems however that this saga is coming to an end. The feeding tube was removed last Friday under a state court order. Depending on which camp you subscribe to, you see either a woman liberated of the pain of living a meaningless life or one whose last hope of living is being snuffed out "barbarically", as her family describes it.

I have always been a big pro-choice supporter. In fact I still am. Yes, life is precious but I do not believe that it is something I would want to preserve at all cost. Especially if the cost is independence and dignity. If a pregnancy is unwanted, I believe it is better for both the mother and the child-to-be that it is aborted; if a disease renders me unable to communicate either via speech or bodily gestures, I would rather be dead. Is it not more painful to watch myself deteriorate to someone unrecognizable and becoming a financial drain for my loved ones than to die?

I agree though that legalizing euthanasia or abortion presents certain opportunities of abuse. I most certainly do not want to see young women treat abortion as contraception and disrespect the santity of creating life. Nor do I wish to have elderly folks forced into euthanasia by pressures from family and relatives. But I believe these are issues that laws and regulations can work to prevent.

After all, aren't our justice systems based on faith that it will be able to differentiate between the good and the bad?
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Fragility of Health

So what have I really been doing the past few days of spring break? I've been wanting to blog about a tonne of stuff but somehow always lose the momentum to do so.

One of the things that struck me this week was Vyanne's post about her eyes. I know I'm hardly the age to start feeling so but one's health is a really fragile thing. It is also very personal. Perhaps it is a case evolutionary bias against disease but I tend to keep health matters private. Maybe it's just my age old habit of not divulging things that I *think* are unimportant because it seems so pointless.

But today, I'm gonna ignore that little voice in my head that overwhelms me with whispers of "Nobody really cares" and perform my civic duty (riiiight). So boys and mainly girls, today I'm going to talk about Urinary Tract Infection (UTI).

[UTI] is a common infection that usually occurs when bacteria enter the opening of the urethra and multiply in the urinary tract. The urinary tract includes the kidneys, the tubes that carry urine from the kidneys to the bladder (ureters), bladder, and the tube that carries urine from the bladder (urethra). -- Urology Channel

Symptoms include back pain, blood in urine, inability to urinate despite the urge, fever, frequent need to urinate (apparently we urinate about 6 times a day) and painful urination. There's also a distinctly strong smell in the urine.

I had UTI two years ago and have been nurturing a simmering UTI for possibly more than a year. The first time, I was burning up with a fever for days because I had a kidney infection. Since then I've been having morbid thoughts of kidney failure but apparently that is quite rare. Plus I have two kidneys.

I just saw a doctor last week about my second UTI infection. I really should have seen a doctor sooner but I was really in denial. I kept hoping that the problem will go away. Plus, the symptoms were so mild, I could generally ignore it. So this Tuesday, I went back and had a repeat urine culture taken. Apparently some of the bacteria last time were resistant to the antibiotics I took. So this time, they are making sure they kill every last bit of it.

Well, it's been three days after I finished my medication and I don't seem to have the obvious symptoms of UTI. So far so good. Maybe it's the cranberry juice goodness doing the trick :) (supposedly cranberry juice inhibits microorganisms from adhering to the urinary tract) I feel so relieved that I'm finally doing something about this nagging blight on my health.

So in the future, if any of you experience any of the symptoms above, don't be shy to see a doctor like silly ole me. Apparently, one in five woman will get UTI at least once in their lifetime.
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Market Efficiency

Suze Orman is "an internationally acclaimed personal finance expert". She has quite a following among the US crowd who listens attentively to her talk shows and peruses her books on personal finance. Her advice are commonsensical and quite useful especially for those who live in the US. I wouldn't mind having someone like her I can ask about Singapore/ Malaysia finance matters.

So she started a blog for her new book, Young, Fabulous and Broke. In one of her posts, she was arguing for indexing, specifically index funds. To illustrate her point, she had a link to a fund expense calculator. I'm personally a big proponent of index funds and ETFs because of the low expense ratios that they boast. The rationale behind indexing is that the market is efficient -- information is freely available.

The Efficient Market Hypothesis states that at any given time, security prices fully reflect all available information. [...] if markets are efficient and current prices fully reflect all information, then buying and selling securities in an attempt to outperform the market will effectively be a game of chance rather than skill. -- Investor Home

As several analysts have point out however, markets in developing countries are usually inefficient. Savvy investors can then take advantage of this inefficiency and find deals that other people have missed. This means it is indeed possible for mutual funds in these countries to outperform the index. It seems to be the case that the Singapore market is inefficient. The Shenton Thrift fund beat the STI index by at 4% annualised over their respective lifespans. Using the calculator, I found that with the typical 1.5% ER of a mutual fund, it needs to outperform the index by 1.5% to achive similar returns. Given that one can do dollar cost averaging with mutual funds, I guess a good fund can prove to be a good deal.

My original plan was actually to build an index only portfolio. After these considerations, I guess I shouldn't disregard mutual funds totally.
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Investment Account Part Deux

After consulting with darling, we've decided not to start an online account here. Not only is it hard to know if I can purchase index funds here, the cost incurred is not insignificant. So I guess my next move is to do my due diligence on Singapore brokers instead.

Meanwhile, I also need to decide if I really need a financial planner (FP). I would love to have someone I can throw questions at instead of having to do my own research. However, planners in Singapore are commission driven, making them more like glorified salesperson. There is obviously a conflict of interest when their primary goal is to sell me products that yield them the most commission instead of ensuring I get the optimal return on investment.

Putting aside the fact that I do not like salespeople, there's also the fact that the planners allocated to small fry like me are probably not as experienced. Given that they are probably do not have a lot of experience and that I am really pretty intelligent, there is a high probability that a planner assigned to me will be less analytical and possibly less knowledgeable than I am. Haha, that sounds pretty snobbish. Not that I care. But it's funny how truths about your own intelligence or wealth invariably sound more like a boast than a statement of truth. Plus, it's my money we're talking about :)

Anyway, one of the few advantages a planner has is the tools they have access to. If only I can get my hands on their planning tools, I probably won't need any of them. Or I could look for the so-called independent planners. Sadly, no such thing as fee-only FPs in Singapore. Yet more research needs to be done.
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Investment Account

In an effort to diversify my future portfolio, I am planning to have a portion of it invested in US. One of the easiest ways to diversify it seems is to purchase mutual funds or Exchange-Traded-Funds (ETFs). Historically, mutual funds have been underperforming the index. The evidence appears compelling enough. With that in mind, I've decided to build my portfolio around index trackers.

I'm still somewhat undecided between index funds and ETFs. The prime advantage of an ETF is its low expense ratio. However, some index funds in the US also come with comparable expense ratios and more importantly, no sales commission whereas ETFs incur brokerage fees. It also appears that Vanguard Index funds are performing slightly better compared to ETFs because they use "futures to boost their returns".

Acting towards that goal, I was thinking of starting an online investment account with about 10k to purchase ETFs in US. These are long term investments to be kept for at least 10~15 years. Need to keep in mind that 30% of any dividends that I receive from US shares will be withheld and paid to the IRS. If possible, I would really prefer non-dividend paying funds since capital gains are not taxed. Don't think it's quite possible though.

Since I'll be leaving the US in a couple of months, I'm trying to make sure everything will go smoothly. One of the things I have to consider is the cost of transferring the equity from US to Singapore. I would have to transfer the stock to a Depository Trust Company (DTC) and then to the Central Depository in Singapore which then transfers it to my Singapore broker (which I still have to shop around for when I get back)

Or I could keep the online US account, which would give me the freedom to trade US shares without going through a Singapore broker which charges significantly more.

Under consideration:

Ameritrade - $5 per trade, $25 transfer to DTC
Free Trade - Free first 20 trades, $50 brokerage transfer
Scottrade - $7 per trade, free 3 trade from referral, appears to have no transfer fee but I'll need to check.
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The very thought of purchasing shares with my own money makes me nervous. But I figure if I'm going to make mistakes, I should do it when I still can. It's frightening but also exciting to be taking charge of my own finances. I do wish I have somebody knowledgeable I can confer with though. Learning it by myself is pretty rough. I don't really have confidence.

My only consolation is that even the "experts" are not really that much better off. They too do not know if their decisions are right. Need to learn more. Fast.
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Nurturing the Child in Us

Students fail to perform and parents start playing the blame game. Fingers start pointing at the education system, the social climate, the teachers, violence on TV, video games, porn... Rarely, if ever, do they consider their own role and influence on their child.

A recent study based in the US showed that Mormon teenagers fared best in school. The same study also showed that conservative Christians and [...] Protestants bested Mormons in [...] their high rates of belief in God. It would seem that their academic performance is not a result of being more religious .

Mormon parents "expect their children to do well, they invest in their education and encourage them to perform services for character building rather than for pay."

In contrast, Asian parents often portray academic diligence as a means to wealth, a good life and all that jazz. In his secondary school days, when my brother slacks off, my mum would overtly threaten him with the possible future of making roti canai (or roti prata if you're Singaporean). I can't say if it is the right or wrong approach since the kids in my house all turned out okay.

Perhaps it is because we did not fall into the trap of believing that wealth is the most important accomplishment to life or more simply, that wealth measures success. While we not well-off and had some difficult periods during the 80s recession, we were never really lacking. Sure, I probably wouldn't mind having more spanky toys and dolls but I never really felt the need to own anything in particular.

I attribute this lack of material desire to those tight years when my dad was working as a cab driver. We were going through all my mum's emergency funds that she had prudently accumulated and one of the things I learnt then, was not to ask for anything. I was about 10 years old. I grew to derive pleasure from window shopping alone. Trips to stationary shops were one of my greatest treats. I would look enviously at all the fancy pencil cases I knew I could not afford. But I never asked my parents for anything. At least not as I remember it.

I believe that it is important for a child to develop strong internal believes especially when they are young. Many young people today are led by their hedonistic desires. Together with the easy availability of credit, this has resulted in an increase in bankruptcies among the young in Singapore, as well as the US and UK. The lack of a strong set of principles, I believe, is also what leads to mid-life crisis as people find that what they've been pursuing -- wealth -- is not as important as they thought it was, leading to a restructuring of their life-long goals.

People need to stop blaming external forces and expecting governmental or educational reforms to fix their problems. Instead, try some introspection and identify problems that really arise more from within than without.

Exercise and Walmart

I ran around the track while my darling was playing basketball. Today, I chalked up a total of 4.4 km. Well I only ran 2.4km, the rest was more walking than anything else. I figured that since I was there, I might as well work out instead of reading a book which I could do at home.

I still have 150 pages of this book I was supposed to finish by Sunday. I could blame it on my final exam which turned out to be extremely easy or the fact that I was reading a lot of other articles online, but I really shouldn't. I need to learn discipline. Or at least the ability to set realistic goals. Well, actually I still have 2 more days but I don't think I can masticate the rest of it by then. I really like this book and I would like to let myself savor it rather than finish it just so I can put a check against my list.

In lieu of my exam, it was slightly anti-climatic to find the questions to be almost exactly the same as the practice final. Granted, she did not provide solutions to the practice. It still made my effort in studying moot. I guess it's kinda like purchasing insurance to hedge against the uncertainty. Or more like I know I would hate myself for not studying if studying would have helped.

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Grocery shopped at Walmart just now. It's amazing how a 1lb 12 oz pack of sandwich meat that costs $7.99 at another supermarket cost only $3.98. That's a 50% difference!

I don't see why so many US people are against Walmart. Is it a us vs. them, little guy vs the evil corporation thing? Or is it something else? As I see it, they give good value to consumers even if they do so by bullying suppliers into submission. If it was really unprofitable for the supplier, they could always not serve Walmart right?

There are complains that Walmart and the big chains put the little honest grocer out of business but people conveniently forget that Walmart started small too and grew because it was successful.

As I see it, the neighbourhood grocer and Walmart really serve different niches, at least it seems to be so in collegetowns. Small grocers have higher margins because people pay a premium for the convenience. They also tend to have more variety compared to Walmart which only stock one or two of the most popular brands. When I shop at Walmart, I always feel that there is a lack of choices in terms of brands. Walmarts are usually much furthur away from residential areas due to their sheer size, making them inaccessible to people without cars and also adding to the cost of shopping in the outlet.

There is also the quality issue, not concerning their groceries but things like apparel and some toys. The clothes there looked obviously cheap and had a stiff, papery-coarse look to it. (Some of the teen clothes looked pretty decent though); The ninja turtle action figurines I saw there were also visually of lower quality compared to what I saw in Target.

Well the company has earned so much negative goodwill, that some guy esteimated that "[e]very third store Wal-Mart tries to build faces community opposition". Of course this coming from a guy who runs a Web site devoted to challenging them, you have to take it with a pinch of salt. [Source: Let Me Count the Ways People Don't Love Wal-Mart]

I'm personally of the mind that the market should decide what's good and what's not. I don't particularly like or dislike Walmart. (After all, it's just a place I buy cheaper groceries from) but Walmart obviously has something to contribute to society. If people think they don't pay good enough wages, go work somewhere else.

Spring Break

It's Spring Break again. Putting the words "American" and "spring break" together never fails to conjure images of wild Mardi Gras parties and exotic locales like Cancun, Daytona Beach and South Padre Island. After all, these are the places where the Girls Gone Wild series, known for putting "old-fashioned Daytona debauchery" on film, get their material.

Spring breakers are notorious for their hedonistic indulgences: sex and alcohol. While these students bring great economic benefit to the local economy that they visit, the disturbances often dismay the residents.

In South Padre Island, a manager of the Padre South Resort reports the damage he's seen during Spring Breaks.

Wall, who manages Padre South Resort on South Padre Island, has seen spring breakers shatter mirrors, take bath towels and crush lamps during drunken wrestling matches.

Still, the layer of tortilla chips, which had begun to creep into the hallway outside, was memorable as much for its scope as its slovenliness.

"I couldn’t see the carpet. It looked like a straw mat," he said. "These guys had not a clue they were supposed to clean up the carpet."

[...] "I don’t know if their parents had the talk with them, but condoms aren’t supposed to be filled with water and thrown off the balcony," Wall said.

The incidences of drunken brawls and accidents also increases dramatically over this period.

So given all that historical licentiousness, what are my plans for Spring Break?

Looks like I'm just going to sit at home, read my books and enjoy some home-cooked meals (cooked my yours truly of course) First, I'll try to make my spaghetti with ground beef less oily.

Spaghetti: It's as oily as it looks.

It's cold

While spring is definitely in the air and the temperature has tamed somewhat, the warmth in our house has once again mysteriously seeped away.

I have a sneaky suspicion my landlord turned off the heat to save on heating costs. Hello! Spring break isn't even here yet. There are still people in this house and *one* of these people happen to have an exam today. I find it so annoying that I woke up multiple times because it was freezing in my very own apartment. This is tenant-abuse I tell you. Abuse!

I have a good mind to leave the water running. Bah, pissed off.

Four years off the scale

It's been more than four years since I've measured my weight. Today, I finally obtained the verdict of 3 years and 7 months of the American diet.

It looks like mom was right and I did gain weight. The scales now pronouce me a good 122 pounds which is equivalent to 55kg. I think at the end of J2 I weighed about 114 pounds (52kg). So while I did gain weight, it's not quite the Freshman 15 that college kids or at least those in my uni were supposed to get with our orientation package.

I'm actually more surprised that I'm not tubbier than I am now, given the things I eat and my sedentary lifestyle. Even more surprising to me is my lack of real dismay over the weight gained. Granted, part of my brain is attributing some of those pounds to my pair of heavy jeans and shoes *grinz* I guess I'm really over that phase of my life where I'm unhappy with how I look.

I've also decided that I will not have a weighing scale in my home in the future. No point in purchasing something that will only be used once every 4 years after all. My brain it seems has grown accustomed to looking at each of my possible expenses critically and weighing (pun not intended) the returns of each investment. Yes, I'm horrible. I know :)

Updates

Heh heh was playing with that gender determining software that vyanne's friend used on her blog text. It appears that my writing is predominantly male. When it did turn out female, the results were usually marginal. Looks like I write with an androgynous/ male style.
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My favorite pair of jeans from U2 is falling apart! As I was patching up a little rip, I found that it was so threadbare on the buttocks that if I bent over, I would be mooning someone. *sniff* Looks like it has lived past it's usefulness. Looks like I'd have to say good-bye to it when I leave the country.

This is my first pair of jeans that is so well worn it is falling apart.
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Went to the portfolio management class. The material was pretty interesting. The lecture today was dedicated to showing how mutual funds consistedly underperformed the market.
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Spring break is next week. My last spring break. Once again, I will be burrowing into my apartment. Hmmmmm. Warmth.

On the other hand, there's only 5 more weeks of classes after spring break. Still have my Master's project to work on and write up. Finished one part of the interface for my clustering algorithm. Next, I'll have to interface my demand analysis and put the two together. And then there are other projects. That's not even counting my own reading project and investment planning self-study.

Final Exam and my New(relaxing) Class Schedule

I really should be studying for my final exam that's on Thursday but since I really have no other commitments till then I figure I could relax a little.

Well, I sorta have to do the bulk of my studying by tomorrow night since I have to return the textbook on Wednesday. I initially ordered the textbook online and the fool website that took my order had to tell me a week later that actually they do not have it in inventory. Since this course is only 7 weeks long, I was reluctant to place another online order which would take up to 2 weeks to arrive. I didn't want to buy the brand new book from the store either coz it's a freaking $150 for a really really hefty book. The book itself is probably about 8lbs (~4Kg). The cost of me shipping that home would be more than grotesque.

So I ended up borrowing the older edition from the library and saving some cash. The problem with a library book is that somebody could place a recall request and I would have to return it. Luckily for me, (and unluckily for the dude that recalled my book), the book is due the day before my finals.

Anyway, I've dropped my supply chain class and confirmed that I still have the requisite credits to graduate. The course was just too much work for 3 credits. I'm glad I even have the option of dropping it instead of being stuck in it. Granted, I had to "pay" for that option by going for classes religiously for the past 6 weeks or so, but I also manage to learn the crux of the problem that ails supply chains. So I'd say it was time well invested. So onward with my reading project and personal finance self-study. Tomorrow, I will drop by at the B-School portfolio management class.

Something Special

She ain't too pretty, she ain't too tall,
In fact she ain't too much of anything at all.
I don't care what the people say,
They're going to find out some sweet day.

She is precious, she is charming,
She is so innocent it's really disarming.
And just one look at her face is good enough for me.
- Eric Clapton, Something Special

I don't understand the concept of being special that preoccupies most women today.

I don't understand that craving for a carpet of luscious red roses or a fey, dreamy and ephemeral wedding nor the preoccupation with the so-called bad boys.

Indeed, I prefer my life and love grounded in reality. Indeed, just as the romantic encompass the impractical, I am the paradigm of all things practical and thus unromantic.

I don't need someone else declare to the world that I am special. Especially not with an irrational frivolous use of wealth. I would rather have two books than a dozen or roses that wilt within a week.

I don't need to feel unique in the sea of hoi polloi. I am unique. I have always been different. I didn't choose to be different. I just am.

Most people feel the need to fit in -- try to be nice to everyone, do the things they are expected to do, say the things they are expected to say and even ask the same stock questions about life to give it a philosophical edge. They are the trend followers. Some try to break out of the trend. Most emerged different but in the same manner. They are different within a limit of tolerance. Of course those who go beyond that have probably gone to a madhouse.

The trend followers have become so efficient at fitting in, that their sense of self is threatened. They start to question if they are really a result of their externalities and experience what is now known as a mid-life crisis. In their attempt to seek for the internal source that powers their selves, the need for individuality and uniqueness is roused.

Unable to subjectively evaluate internal evidence with any conviction, they seek outward confirmation.

Advertisers sensing this need, latches on and stokes it. One prime example of that is the DeBeers "Diamonds are forever" campaign. While diamonds are indeed the hardest substance on earth, it really doesn't have much intrinsic value. When push comes to shove, it is just a pretty rock. The reason why diamonds are expensive is demand exceeds supply and Debeers which has a monopoly in the diamond industry can easily squeeze the supply to a trickle.

To increase the demand for their commodity, their advertising campaign sets out to convince people that diamond rings are a necessity for a betrothal. In the pre-"Diamonds are forever" age, engagement rings are not iced. As we can see, their campaign was a success.

Thus love, invariably linked with diamonds, now comes with a dollar valuation. To clarify, I'm not saying that love can be bought with money. What we are seeing in society is that people are expected to express love with irrational use of money.

The story usually goes like this: A man loves a woman so much that he is willing to irrationally pay a hefty price on trifles like a pretty stone in order to please her. The woman, upon learning that there is one who love her so deeply, feels that surely she must be unique and special in some way and her self-doubts are assuaged.

Because I am different, I do not feel the need for irrationality. If lavished with such attention, I think I would feel burdened. Such extravagant waste would disgust me. But because I am different, I find that most people do not understand my lack of need. They see it as justification for not receiving. I just laugh at their small little world.

Sometimes, it is difficult to not be understood. Sometimes, I almost wish I was not different. Not caring about fitting in leaves me in the orbit of society. I maintain my anti-social stance, afraid that one day, I will laugh in their faces and receive cold uncomprehending stares.

My Music Stats

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

5.3 GB. 3.8 of which are from my free Napster subscription that the university bought for us. Those will be gone when I gradute :( On a totally irrelevant note, my manga folder is at 8.5 GB.

2. The CD you last bought?

BT - Emotional Technology

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

Not too sure really. Could be some Sheryl Crow song. Or Roxette. Or S Club 7. Or DJ Tiesto. Or BT. Or Eminem. Or Fat Boy Slim. Oh wait, maybe it was Rent? That's the trouble of shuffling my song selections. Well, I can tell you the song I'm listening to now is Wouldn't It Be Nice by Beach Boys.

4. Write down five songs that you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

Rockafellar Skank - Fat Boy Slim -- gets me in a nice groovy mood

Rest In Pieces - Saliva - It's a great song. Call it love at first note.

Roxette - I've been playing their song on repeat for years.

Def Leppard - Vault album -- also been playing this on repeat since secondary school (high school) days

Sil Suffisait Daimer - Celine Dion -- I don't even know what she is really singing about but I love the way it sounds.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

Nobody. No one else I know who owns a blog reads this blog. Plus, I don't really particularly care what other people listen to :P

Disregarding Sunk Costs

Somehow my weeks fall into this pattern of relaxing - busy -relaxing which explains the lack of posts during the weekday. Tuesday and Wednesdays are invariably homework nights.

Well not so anymore. I've decided to drop the supply chain class that I've already taken for half a semester. I took it as my "for fun" class. Since its fun factor isn't as high as I thought it would be, I shall henceforth declare my efforts for the first half of the semester as sunk costs. Since my half semester course is also coming to an end, I will be free as a lark to do as I like, beginning next week.

Things that I am considering:

• Dropping in on investment and asset allocation class
• Reading the investment textbook I just borrowed
• Reading my 5(!!) books from the library
• Cooking: chilli is top on my list here.

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I have one whisker on my left cheek. I am officially a cat.

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"Don't sweat the small stuff"

For as long as I can remember, that has been my guiding motto in life, through times of pain and doubt, as well as joy and happiness. My outlook in life also warranted several comments, from both guys and girls, that I think in a very masculine manner. Comments like that makes me want to either laugh or cry.

Self-Delusion

There's this guy who has been complaining about being unemployed. The same guy also admitted that he tries his darnest to get by with the minimum amount of effort and hence barely graduated with a string of D's. The same guy also had a job. But he quit because he decided that the remuneration wasn't worth the emotional and physical effort required for it.

I don't know. To begin with, I'm surprised he even got a job with his academic results. If I was an employer, I can only conclude two things: 1) this dude is relatively smart but is indolent or 2) this dude is plainly dumb. Actually, in my opinion, if you're smart but simply can't be bothered, then you are really pretty dumb. Either way, those are not desirable qualities to have in a future employee.

So by some stroke of luck, he got a job. Great. Happy ending. But then he decides that he's too good for the job. And now he's moping because he can't find another one.

What I found most laughable was that part of the reason why he hasn't found a job yet, as far as I can gather, is that he "insists on getting work that pays reasonably in the IT sector". It's not that he can't find a job. He just doesn't want one unless it's cushy, pays well and comes with little work.

Seriously, he needs to evaluate the worth he can bring to any company. I don't know what gave him the confidence to think he deserves all that. Bolstered by his unfounded self-esteem, he decided that the reason he in unemployed is not because his qualifications are mediocre at best or that his expectations are too high but because of "employment discrimination" whereby employers favor foreign talent . Now isn't that the classic excuse.

I'm sorry but I can't find much sympathy for someone who is basically a bum and expects people to court him like a king.

I sometimes envy the amount of confidence people can generate about themselves. Most of the time, I find that they are also the saddest people in the world: not knowing their place in the world, they perpetually feel mistreated, even victimized, not knowing that they were the ones to cast themselves into that position.

News: Virtual Girlfriend

Talk about loser. Some nut in this software company somehow thought it was a good idea to sell a subscription based virtual girlfriend.

The article goes like this...

MEN, are you tired of the time, trouble and expense of having a girlfriend? Irritated by the difficulty of finding a new one?

Mr Eberhard Schoeneburg, chief executive of Hong Kong software maker Artificial Life, may have found the answer: A virtual girlfriend named Vivienne who goes wherever you go.

[...]Vivienne, the product of computerised voice synthesis, streaming video and text messages, is meant not only to bring business to Artificial Life - she will be available for a monthly fee of US$6 (S$10), not including the airtime costs paid to cellphone operators or the price of virtual chocolates and flowers [... which costs between] 50 US cents to US$2.

Firstly, one of the reasons this software will not sell is that it is damn loser. It claims to be able to let users test out scenarios with a virtual girlfriend before the real thing. Which basically means that if you buy her a gym membership, she will get offended. Dude, I can tell you that without even asking for a cent.

Second, the subscription fee is inhibitive. Not only do you have to pay US$6 a month, you have to pay for her chocolates and flowers?!? Also mentioned in the article is that the program limits users to an hour of playtime a day. Seriously, I'd rather pay for a Tamagotchi and play all I want, paying nothing more than the initial cost.

It's just amazing the things people think they can sell. This dumb software company that is actually throwing money into this junk is going into my blacklist. Then again, you never know, if people would pay thousands of dollars for a grandma-looking LV bag, maybe they will pay for subscription girlfriends as well. If I see anyone who bought it, I promise to laugh out loud in their face for being such a loser. Frankly, I think paying for porn or prostitutes is a better deal.

Plans for the Future

With the semester half over, I've begun to think about graduation. Well actually, at the beginning of this semester, I was already thinking about post-graduation.

I spent the past week wolfing down information about investment and this morning, woke up at 8am ( my system is all geared up for waking at 8am no matter the day of week. Bastard) and spent the next 2 hours reading about the CPF system (equivalent to social security) in Singapore, mortgage rates, procedures for marriage, permanent residence (PR) , ... the likes.

The impending shift to the next phase of life somehow roused the innate planner in me and I'm taking great joy planning for things that can only happen after 3 months: how to spend my monthly income and marriage.

As you may or may not know/remember, me and Johnny are planning to get married within the next year or two. Before "I do", I have to first get MoM's (Ministry of Manpower) approval because I worked under the Work Permit scheme on my internships at SIA. Next things on the list would be marriage and PRship. Not necessarily in that order. After *THAT* comes the application for a HDB flat.

So my schedule for the rest of the year should look something like this.

|****May *** |***June *** |*****July *****| ***** August**** | ***** Sept *****|
Graduate --> Moving ---> Start job/ MoM's approval ---> Registry of Marriage --->

|***Oct***| ***Nov ***| ***Dec *** |**** Jan 06 ****| |--------->|****April 06 ****|
PR application ---------------------> Applying for flat --------> Renovations --->

|**** July 06 ****|
Moving into new home

This is just my most optimistic estimate of course. Looks like even at my most optimistic, it will still take another year before I have my own place. Anyway, both our parents do not even know we are planning to get married soon. Not that they will disapprove. Not like it matters even if they disapprove. Marriage is a personal affair after all. Oh and somewhere in between all that I would like to have a small wedding reception for close friends and family.

One of things we really want to push for after graduation is to move out together a.k.a cohabitation. We've already been cohabiting for the last 4 years so it's natural that we want to stay together. The beauty of it all is that his parents and my mum knows we are staying together. My dad doesn't even know who I've been staying with. When he asked if I was staying with a Singaporean, I just said yes. No elaborations.

Well even though I say I do not care for my parent's approval, I certainly hope they would because life would be less painful that way. I wonder how they would feel, to have both daughters marry in the same year.

Anyway, looking at my penchant for planning, I was starting to wonder if I should start a new career path after paying off my bond doing something related to that. Maybe be a financial planner. Will definitely look into this if I find my work boring.

Unhappy Singaporeans Marrying?

A Reuters article titled You're a Pain, But Let's Get Married Anyway claimed that in a recent poll of 700+ couples who planned to wed, 39% of them said they were unhappy. Are there really so many couples who are going to marry someone they don't even like?

SINGAPORE (Reuters) - Singaporean couples may not be happy with their partners but they will still marry them anyway, a global survey on relationships shows.

The poll of 716 couples who planned to wed showed that 39 percent were unhappy in their relationships, the highest proportion of nine societies surveyed by a U.S.-based marriage and family therapy organization.

The poll is the latest unflattering survey of ardor in a wealthy population that chases what is known in local parlance as the Five C's: career, condominium, club, credit cards and cars. [...]

Among those in the survey who consider themselves unhappy, most cited disagreements with their partners on a number of issues, or said they disliked their partners' personality or that there were problems communicating effectively. [...]

Olson said couples in Singapore -- an island of 4.2 million people -- may be suffering because of a reluctance to speak their minds about problems to avoid confrontation.

"They are afraid to say what they think and are afraid to disagree," he said.

My first reaction to that was the survey was phrased in such a way that most Singaporeans misunderstood the question. I mean by unhappy, they could really mean that they wish their to-be-spouse could be more [something] or less [something], instead of what the article implied that they do not feel happy being together with their partners.

I mean seriously I don't seen the 40% of couples who are about to get married looking unhappy/grumpy or marrying for money etc. It really reinforces my belief that self-reporting surveys are bad indications of what the actual situation is.

News: International Aid

Reuters reports that Sri Lanka has decided it needs to tax inappropriate aid that has been sent to them in order to discourage them. Among those items were winter jackets.

COLOMBO (Reuters) - Tropical Sri Lanka is grateful for a deluge of tsunami aid
but said on Friday it drew the line at used winter jackets, blankets and other
second-hand clothes and would tax unsuitable aid to discourage it.
[...]

"I think they have been sent with good intention. Maybe they
thought Sri Lanka was on the South Pole,"

Just a week ago, there was another article in Reuters talking about the inefficiency of international aid.

LONDON (Reuters) - Red tape, inefficiency and nepotism mean that only one
fifth of international aid actually gets to the people who need it, aid agencies
said Monday.
Not only that, but 40 percent of international aid is spent
buying overpriced goods and services from the donors' own countries

[...] "First and foremost, they need to spend aid where it is needed -- on
poverty reduction -- rather than channel it to their own consultancy and
infrastructure industries and geopolitical allies," the report said.

[...]"Donors tend to be more concerned about the success and visibility of
their project or program than the success of a country's development plan," it
said.

It reminds me of charities where wealthy people donate with a flourish to gain positive publicity. Granted, somebody did benefit from the generous sum. But the current international aid system is a bucket with holes; nations are choosing to plug their favorite holes at the front of the bucket while leaving the ones behind neglected.

This scenario also mirrors the case of the National Kidney Foundation (NKF) in Singapore. NKF is the charity with the highest visiblility in the island (what with its charity show etc) and the amount of donations they procured represents a significant portion of total donations whereas smaller charities are barely eking by.

Monsters From My Mouth

When we chance upon each other on the street, our faces colors up, rising us from the black and white faces of the hoi polloi. In that moment, the world pales and fades into nothingness and we kiss like newborn couples. When we go on our own way, shoulders brushing, the world blinks back into reality and we merge back into the facelessness.

It's sometimes almost silly and embarrassing the way we act in public but that does not deter us from what we do. But the same lips that deliver sweet kisses also pours forth monsters that I really am ashamed of.

Closer observation of my behavior suggests that the closer a person is to me, the worse the treatment they receive. Total strangers might irritate me, but I would not utter a word; my darling don't even need to anything to get an harsh earful. Funny though it might seem, it is really because I care, even if I might be totally misguided.

In the case of the stranger, even if he is detestable, I can't muster enough energy to give him negative feedback because I don't care what happens to him. Unless of course it is in my interest to do so (i.e reminding a queue-cutter that the line is behind me not in front).

When it comes to people I'm comfortable with, I sometimes say the cruelest things. Yesterday, I lamented to darling that he isn't *ambitious. He's such a easy-going, path-of-least-resistance guy that sometimes it frustrates me. After some thought, I realized that if he really were the ambitious type, I would probably never have fallen in love with him.

Or take my project teammate. He's an easygoing guy as well and I'll tease him mercilessly about his spelling errors, him being such a CS major etc etc. Of course I really meant it as a joke and my comments are really not personal. But my ill choice of words sometimes twists my meaning. Like when I said 'Let's get rid of that thing on the slide. It looks stupid'. After that, I was mentally banging my head against a stone wall for being so callous and insensitive.

I've always enjoyed my own frank way of interacting with people. That is until I found out that I'm really stingy with praise while being lavish with my criticisms. To those who've been on the receiving end, I'm really sorry. I think I should really try giving a proportional number of praises and criticisms according to how I really feel about a person.

The way I've been communicating have given me trouble in the past. I had felt so wronged and victimized. People who misunderstood me thought me, I quote, "arrogant", "a liar", "secretive". For years, the verbal backlash caused me pain and a lot of self doubt. Was I really good enough for anybody? If a person shows me a happy face, does it really mean he/she enjoys my company? Is there really something fundamentally bad about me? These doubts went against my own belief of myself as essentially true and frank. How could is be that I was thought a liar when all I ever did was try to be honest?

Barring the case where I have been deluding myself all along, I come to the conclusion that I had hurt them with my words and thus lost their trust without knowing it. Subsequently, each unexplained action interpreted in an unfavorable light; each wrong word was a mark etched against my character until all that can be seen is a marred and distorted image.

These monsters I unleashed taunted me for years and finally, finally, now I can banish them. But I can only hope that I can restrain myself from releasing them again.

* ambitious not in the I'm satisfied with my job and wouldn't mind being a janitor for the rest of my life sense but more like he wouldn't actively do things that might get him promoted.