The Middle Path

Trendy. One of those things that will never be. To begin with, I hate following trends. For me, most things that come with a boat load of hype attached actually has their utility discounted. Movies definitely fall into this category. I remember in my first year of junior college, The Ring was the movie to watch. Everyone was talking about it. I wouldn't go near it with a 10-foot pole. (Granted, I was biased in the first place: Coz I hate horror movies. Coz I'm always scared after I watch it. Coz I think it's insane to pay to get scared shitless.)

I'm a late adopter of technology and trends in general. I'd never be caught dead with the latest gadget. I'm woefully uninformed about the new "in" thing. If I were in an American high school, I would be one of those bookish, uncool kids who get picked on all time. I don't see any real value in fitting in.

I'm a non-conformist yet I have also adopted the penchant of hiding behind the mask of mediocrity. There's a Chinese saying that promotes the middle path. I am guessing it was prudent advice for an era in ancient china when the prominent tend to get into trouble with authorities and the poor suffered badly(?).

I find it difficult to do things I think none of my peers or immediate friends are even thinking about. I instinctively tried to hide from someone I know in the finance class that I'm sitting in. On hindsight, there was nothing really wrong with me just sitting in. It's really not something to be ashamed of.

I also feel silly looking up facts about insurance, housing and investment products. I should be proud of myself for trying to be more financially savvy. Well I am somewhat proud but it still doesn't ease that weirdo feeling I have when my darling asks me about what I was reading.

I'm just not comfortable standing out from the crowd I'm in. Even if the crowd is of size two.In that particular case, the fact that his opinions matter more than most is important. I guess it's related to my inability to speak up in class often. When you speak in public or do something different, you subject yourself to the scrutiny. And I'm not up to it. Yet. I guess having thought this out and identified it here, it will be easier for me to overcome it in the future.
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