Wedding Preparations (or the lackthereof) + WoW Politics

So I finally finally gotten down to a bridal boutique and gotten the package. Granted, it was the first shop that we entered but the price was reasonable and there was a gown I tried that I really liked. Or I remember liking. I guess as wedding gowns go it's pretty normal: bustier style, A-line skirting, longish train, ivory. It does have an irresistable sash in the middle and a not so irresistable bow running down the ass... >.< The bow looks like a veritable mickey mouse....it was just freaking huge! Good thing is that can be removed or reduced though I don't know how that will change the effect.

And after a while, I'm starting to wonder if it the gown really looked as good as I thought. Like maybe I just willed it to look good. But at least for that evening, I felt like I was a pretty bride. Next time, when I go down for my actual gown selection, I'll bring a camera and come back with pics :)

The big day is set to be end of November. I'm only having a customary (chinese) wedding followed by wedding lunch at a restaurant (?).... this part really isn't sorted out yet. It might just turn out to be a small family affair. I personally won't want a really formal dinner/reception for friends. Maybe I'll have a more informal buffet thing for colleagues and friends... I'll have to think about that.
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As for my virtual world in World of Warcraft, we've recently left my old guild to join another. The old guild master (GM) had a horrible attitude.... I felt like it was like work except worse... suck up or you won't get preference in raids (WoW speak for groups bigger than 5 and is the primary mechanism to get better equipment) or gear. So even though I liked many of the people in the guild, I left :/

I still feel bad about it because I'm quite fond of them and it felt like I've betrayed them in some manner. On the other hand, the GM was really getting on my nerves with the preferential treatment and dictatorial style. *sigh* never thought I'd get emotional over a game.

Well, I'll just have to hope for the best in the new guild. They are not Singaporeans and they speak predominantly in "ching chong cheena". We'll see how it goes...
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P.S: And I forgot to mention, we've recently crossed the 5 year mark :) Spent that evening picnicing by ECP. For all his lack of culinary skills, he makes some mean salmon + cream cheese sandwiches. Extra salmon pls!

2 month's of silence

2 month's of silence.

Filled, just getting by.

Work is a big let down. And I'm stuck here for what it's a worth.

Gaming life goes on. But sometimes I don't care.

Getting registered for our marriage. Final ceremony will be simple. Prob in October. I don't really care. In my mind, we were already wed a long time back.

In about 3 months, we celebrate our 5th anniversary.

It feels tired. Sometimes it feels like we only have each other.
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Moving Along

Apropos e*'s post about moving on, I have to confess that 4 months into the job and I already have the desire to move on. The company culture just isn't me. Too fussy about minute details. Too squabbly. And most of all very very Gen X. Read this article recently about Gen Y's at the work place. While I've always hated such type casting, I for once can identify with being a Gen Y. Some of the points mentioned:

• Do not respond to the traditional command-and-control type of management.
• Have a speak-your-mind philosophy
• Care about work-life balance
• Embrace change
• Comfort with technology
• Crave constant feedback

On the other hand, there's the feeling that the situation is the same in most work places. But I do not feel like I can do anything to change the status pro quo.

Sigh. I miss my MENG project days. I think I just miss projects where you have a sense of mission and of achieving something. And I don't feel like I'm a highly qualified clerical officer to an indecisive bunch. I'm probably exaggerating this somewhat. I just feel like I need a clearer direction of where my life is going. So if things don't work out here, my next career choice is to be a consultant. Or a financial analyst. Or a not-very-rich tai tai.
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Moving in a Month

Didn't have much time to blog lately. No further progress towards my impending marriage. I'm starting to think we can stay going-to-get-married for the next five years. Oh fine, may be not. The 'rents will probably kill us first (using the ever powerful incessant nagging) before that happens. I'm kinda waiting for the big move to the new place so I can hold the registration ceremony there. It's not that I'm hoping to have this romantic I don't know what there but that's the only way I can get registered on a weekend.

Somehow, all the things I wanted to say seems so boring. My life just sounds boring. Either that or I'm just horrible at making them sound terrific. But I guess it's hard to make reading, playing table tennis and being in love sound fantastic without risking sounding too cheesy. One thing that would really make it all better is having my own kitchen. We are both missing my erratic cooking and I really hate to cook in someone else's kitchen. Ooo, this weekend, I'm looking forward to cooking chili con carne!

Will also be furniture shopping for our rooms in the new place this weekend. We already have some key pieces in mind like the platform bed and L-shaped sofa but the rest of our rooms are still unknown. Well except the wall color which me and his mum decided on yesterday. I hope lavender doesn't come out too gay for the bedroom. The lounge/games room will be a neutral magnolia. The bedrooms have this yucky sandy brown parquet floors which I really wish could be stained black or dark brown but that would set us back by probably two thousand dollars ++.
My conclusion is that I'm so not an interior designer. Shall see if I get inspired this weekend. Must remember to bring my camera out!
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Wedding Rings

We bought wedding rings on Saturday. We probably made the trainee sales assistant's day with that transaction. Not that she was very helpful, mind. I already knew the design that I liked. I saw it at another branch earlier where everybody was too busy attending to the $200 purchases *oh I think this bracelet is too delicate* to care about the potential >2k sale in a ratty t-shirt and cargo pants. I did give them a fair chance sitting there for 5 minutes totally unattended feeling like a moron.

Actually even at this shop, there was a couple looking at wedding rings who was hogging the display. So it was a good thing I knew what I wanted. While we paid for our purchases, the same couple was *still* seated there. Starting to wonder if we were too quick in purchasing it. We *did* visit several jewellers prior to the purchase. So anyway, the ring is not ready yet and it probably looks like any other wedding ring so I'm not gonna post a pic. Embarassingly, darling has the same ring size as me. I shall happily conclude that he's way too skinny instead of the contrary.

Yeah so the ring comes with this dazzly diamond thing. The bright side (pun unintended) is that i won't have to endure awkward outbursts of "Oh, you mean it's a wedding ring? Where's the diamond?" Not that I would have cared. Eat sparkly diamond glare. So the ring I liked came with the stone. I guess I could have asked for the male version which doesn't have a diamond. Didn't really strike me at that point in time.

Women must be magpies reincarnated.
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Time, anyone's best friend

After work has started, spare time has become a most precious commodity. Seriously, I won't trade them for the biggest diamonds in the world. Well, unless I can sell the gem and live off the proceeds w/o ever having to work again. Hmmm....*rubs chin slowly*

Okay enough of my crazy Monday-induced fantasies. It's not that I'm extremely busy. As of now I still work only regular hours, 8:30 to 5:30. Later on, 7/8 appears to be the norm but even then it's still much better than the hectic, insane hours my dear e* lives through. But the transition from being a time rich, cash poor student to a time poor, cash still poor working adult is still quite a shocker. Before I graduate, I'd shudder at having only 2-3 hours every night of R&R ( rest and relax).

Now, after one month, I've gotten used to it. I no longer spend as much time surfing the web for manga (mainly because I don't have unlimited broadband :o( ); I spend about 15 minutes watching telly; and the rest of the time I can read or play FF on the Gamecube. Weekends are usually a whirlwind of activity. Saturday mornings are reserved for chores (i.e going to the bank/ post office); Sunday afternoon is gym time while he plays basketball. The remainder is either visiting warehouse sales (I just got this gorgeously soft Elle leather mules for S$30!! Yay me!), borrowing thrashy magazines from the library or just more R&R.

The weekends usually make me reluctant to go back to work coz they are so much fun. I guess that's why I'm reluctant to spend any of that time on something as boring as making marriage arrangements. We *did* go shopping for platinum wedding bands.

Anyway, I can only do the solemnization thing on a weekday. I think it can be done on weekends but only if you purchase their package things (?) The website isn't particularly helpful. Somehow most webpages in Singapore/ Malaysia are like that lots of flash and colour but totally lacking in useful content.

Anyway, we are both hoping to get by with the simplest of weddings. I think our parents are more eager for a grand wedding than we are. Will keep you guys posted on what we decide on. If it were up to us, we'd just get legally married and dinner with a couple of close friends. And no fancy wedding gown or silly posing wedding photos. I think I will actually consent to having some flowers though. Sunflowers to be exact.

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Btw all, I'm going to go register our marriage soon. Like when we can find the time. *doodeedoo*
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Finding my Freedom

I was quite unhappy the previous time he brought his friend home to play on the console. They would spend hours playing and generally lose track of time. I’m always uncomfortable in the presence of strangers especially if they are strangers that belong to someone I know. Even if I’m in my home, I manage to feel claustrophobic. That time, I just sat and sulked, hoping that he will somehow realize it. Which he didn’t.

My chest tightened. I got sad at my own inconsequence and then angry. But I never really did anything about it. I just kept quiet and fumed inside. (Imagine how bad my blood pressure must have been!) I thought I couldn’t do anything. After all, how do you ask a guest to leave without being offensive?

So all this while that I’ve pegged myself in, I never realized that freedom was so easy for the taking. It did not dance in flashy ads or hide behind a banyan tree. Somehow, I just never saw it. I just suffered silently and let the anger bubble along painfully. Today, it was different and I am happier for it. I never realize it could be as simple as saying “Okay, I think you guys should stop”. How silly I am.

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The Blues

It’s been one week at work. I’m still waiting for them to shuffle the portfolios and give me something to do. So meanwhile, I’m just sitting around reading anything I can lay my hands on. But it’s starting to get boring. I wonder if the fact that it’s Friday makes me want to leave more eagerly than usual. Or maybe it’s been a whole long week of monotony.
Man there’s so little time left when you start working. Everything has to be cramped into the measly weekends. No wonder people suffer from Monday blues.
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The LongDue Update

Last Friday was my first day of work. I believe I can summarize my job with four dreary words: long hours, low pay. I don’t really like the people from HR. Most of the general staff I’ve met there are really inefficient. On the other hand, I guess that’s why they are stuck in that kind of job. If they were deserving, efficient but merely uneducated, they would have already moved on. At least we have a car now, so getting to and from work is a lot faster than it would have been.

His parents also bought a condo around their area with the intention of parking us there. Forever. (Update: The deal didn’t go through for various reasons. So we are stuck in the same condo. Forever!!! Not.) Maybe they are already imagining cute little unborn grandchildren running around them screaming "Grandma" and "Grandpa" (Or maybe even "Gramps!"). I shudder to think of it. So essentially, we have been bribed to stay close to them even though our work place is really at the other end of the island and it would have been so much economical to get a place there.

I guess I should be happy that I’m marrying into a ‘good’ life. But I’m not. Some people might dream of marrying a rich prince/ heir/ person, stay at a condo instead of a crummy HDB and drive cars instead of slumming it on public transport ( we still take buses when there is a direct bus to our destination. Parking is troublesome). I guess I’ve probably done my fair share of dreaming of marrying some rich guy and living the life of a tai tai. I really can’t remember. Right now, that just seems so absurd, not to mention boring. After all, I didn’t go through all those years of education so I can sit around diligently being unproductive.

I don’t know if this is a result of being in love, but I find myself easily contented with simple things. Like being together. Like a cow.
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It's over!

Finally finally finally, the project is over! This week past by with a frenetic pace. I've been practically living in the school labs. Besides the times when we break for meals, we've been working and working and working.

Saturday and Sunday: Working on presentation, running tonnes of simulations. Results turned out to be rather disappointing
Monday: Presentation. Went pretty well. But was so long that the profs were falling asleep
Tuesday & Wednesday: Writing up and more writing up
Thursday: Proofreading and making corrections
Friday: Printing and then binding.

The report turned out to be just over a hundred pages and we had to print 11 copies of it. So our print job turned out to be ~1150 pages and cost ~$300 bucks. Luckily, the project is sponsored so it's nothing out of our pockets. I did hear that some other options had to fork out money to do the printing etc. What giving out our labor for free and still have to pay for it? Outrageous!

Anyway, I'm glad it's over. Sorry for not replying any mail for so long. I was so tired by the time I get back :{

So I still have a week left before commencement and another 1/2 week or so after that before I leave here. I'm gonna miss it but I'm also looking forward to going back. Esp all that yummy food. Gawd, I'm making myself hungry.

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The One Before

So my final exam in university has ended. It went okay. Now, I'll need to work full time on the project. Anyway, Baba in my last vent is really a nice guy. In fact, I couldn't ask for a better team member. I guess even when I complain, whine, get angry with people, it's sometimes really a heat of the moment thing. The good thing is all the negativity dissipates once I get a good nights sleep. (so maybe all that displeasure was really because I have a horrible disposition when I'm lacking sleep) The bad thing is when I sometimes act impulsively when I'm pissed off and I would really wish I didn't say or do the things I did.

In my case, I've come to accept that I complain about things because I am unable to cope with them. One of the good things about being able to talk to darling about anything is that I learn new things about myself when I'm talking about things I'm so used to doing. Because I directed his attention on me, I'm more conscious of how he sees me, hence, giving me a more objective view of my own actions.

So anyway, if whoever I wrote about accidentally chance upon this site, I'm deeply sorry for what I've said before. My own incompetence in dealing with certain situations is no reason for me to vent on others.
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It's sometimes hard for me to start writing. Most of the time I'm horribly dissatisfied with what I had and end up rewriting one paragraph several times. The most enjoyable writing I've done tends to flow directly from the brain to print, no silly sentence contruction woes etc. Of course that probably means that my grammer is worse than usual but... well... that's what spell checks are for? :o)

What I would really wish to do is to make any type of writing enjoyable. Or at least tolerable. I was struck with this idea after my exam today that during exams, I never seem to have a problem with writing. Perhaps I've been trained so well to answer questions that it comes naturally. So what I thought might work is to pose my writing pieces to myself as questions like "What is the purpose of this section?" and move on from there. It probably sounds silly but I think forcing myself to think about why I'm writing it sometimes help in giving myself clarity of thought. Will try this when I'm writing the report later.

One of the things about the report that I'm really trying to achive is to write like a kid. Not in terms of the content but the style. I've really hated reading papers and books whose main purpose appears to be impressing or confusing rather than enhance understanding. I've come to believe that we should write to be understood. If I can help it, I will not use jargon in my writing or yawn-inducing equations. I'm personally a technical person. I understand jargon. I love Maths. But equations still make my eyes gloss over whenever I see them. How would it look to someone without the same background as I do?

A common 'fault' I've found among the American engineering students is the desire to spew jargon. Maybe it impresses people in job interviews and thus grants them a better job. I personally don't like it. If an employer didn't hire me because I didn't use words he didn't understand, perhaps this is not the company I would be really happy in.

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Symptom #4

So I realized that symptom #4 is actually the urge to make repeated entries to my blog.

When he's around, I vent, complain, whine, discuss... basically talk about everything nitty gritty thing. And somehow after I've talked about things, I no longer feel the urge to even think about them in great details anymore. Which could explain why I no longer keep a diary after we got together. Which makes my pre-'him' days sound kinda sad. Like I have nobody I can talk to. Actually more like I won't want to bore other people with those silly little things.

Anyway, let me complain about my group member. Let's call that person 'Baba' (short for babaniang). Today, we were arguing about which methods we should use for the application. So Baba already implemented his way of doing it which I thought was a really bad idea. So we decided to ask our advisor about it.

It turned out that we could use Baba's way for part of the application, which is great news because it means that some preliminary results we obtained would still be valid and we don't have to rerun them.

What really irked me though was that Baba immediately said something to the effect of "see, I'm right' or 'yes!'. Uh-huh, right in front of our advisor. I didn't know he was so bloody concerned about being right. I personally don't care if I'm proven right or wrong. I just want to get the job done well. But obviously not so with him. I thought his little verbal victory dance was pretty rude. That, comebined with his customary condescending "If you insist, we'll do it your way" when I'm trying to suggest a better way of doing things, kinda royally pissed me off. Especially since he rarely listens to what I'm really saying, he just does whatever he wants anyway. (I'm probably being unfair to him on this part. It's really more about his other attitude problem)

Anyway, after furthur clarification, it turned out that we needed to use my idea for another part of the application (which was what I was really concerned with in the first place) aka 'Baba' was wrong. Childish, pushy dumbass.

Aaaah much better.
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Hopeless

I'm really hopeless. Here I am trying to convince myself that I'm okay even if he's not here. Still doesn't stop me from getting all lonely and missing him at every corner.

Sypmtom #1: Drowning myself in work
... is almost pathetic. Well, not exactly drowning but I've been working on some notes for our study group (basically a bunch of us bums who never catch up with the reading and decided to each do a portion of the readings), random research on stuff etc.

Symptom #2: Not very nice Top 40s music is also blasting in the background
... in a bid to distract myself from how quiet it is here. Soon I'll be reduced to talking to my soft toys.

Symptom #3: Things that I normally do for entertainment seems so pointless
Somehow can't seem to derive the same pleasure from reading stuff or playing Diablo. Ironically, when he's around, that's all I do and I don't actually spend more time with him...

Bah! Need to get myself out of this almost-funk. *grumpy* __________________________________________________________

Summer is around the corner

Summer's around the corner. Today's temperature was a sweltering 25C. 5 minutes out of my house and I was beginning to melt.

Darling has just left for Cincinnati to present his project to the sponsors. Mine is next Monday, on-campus, which is a relief since flying to Phoenix and back is a serious pain and waste of time. Well at least time that could be better used for other things. So today and tomorrow, I'll be all by myself in this room. I will miss him sorely but on the other hand, it's been a long time since I have the freedom to be responsible for myself and only myself. It's not that being a couple is burdensome but it's different when you can make decisions that are "For-Me-Only". I guess sometimes I do enjoy time by myself.

Not that I will be doing anything I won't be doing if he were around -- working on the project, playing Diablo II, browsing forums, etc. The feeling is just a bit different. Ah, and I can also blast teeny bopper (like Avril Lavigne) or techno (like BT, DJ Tiesto) music without feeling guilty for subjecting him to it :)

Most of the important things I have to take care of before I go home are settled.

1. Book tickets *Check*
2. Sending belongings home *Almost check*
- books are on their way but not too sure if the rest will fit in our suitcases
3. Liquidating other crap *Check*
- At least the big ticket items are taken care of i.e car, TV
4. Discarding items *Quarter check*
- I've been throwing some winter gear like boots, extra comforters away.
- Also arranged for a charity to pick up our PCs. Yeah, donated them away. Nobody's gonna buy 4 year old PCs
5. Taxes *Check*
6. Cancel phone, cable
7. Closing bank account, getting bank drafts
8. Pack!!!
9. Clean up stupid house so they won't charge us $25 per hour and hire someone to clean it
10. Return keys. Arrange to get deposits back

And then there's still my project to finish up. Bummer.

Farewell, baby car.

Today is the last day baby car will be with us.

In the evening, his new owners will be here to lead him away. It has been great fun driving around with him. He gave us the freedom to go out unconstrained by bus schedules. He is our first car. Well, it's really johnny's car but nevertheless, we both feel emotionally attached to him. It's funny how we develop feeling overs inanimate things.

When we first purchased him, we never thought he was the car we wanted, at least not in that color and not with the rear spoiler. If we ever get our second car though, I'm tempted to get one that looks just the same. (that would probably not be within the next five years given the cost of owning one in Singapore)
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Hair of Steel

It's quite amazing but did you know that hair can pierce your skin? Well, I didn't. Either the hair around my apartment is extremely tough or the skin on my feet is extremely soft. Given that I have been walking on my feet and developing nice protective layers of corn, I'll bet on the former.
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Seal the deal

Whoopee, will no longer have to worry about baby car. Finally gotten a firm buyer. After all that effort of putting up a website (with purty pictures and stuff. even had to endure a not so nice remark from darling saying it sounded so gimmicky. *huff*), placing a classified ad, making appointments for test drives and other stuff, it's almost over. Just need to finish the paperwork, tidy up the maintenance records to pass over to the next owner :) The car was sold at a pretty nice discount for the buyer but I was glad that I at least got the asking price I wanted.

One and half weeks more of classes and I will probably not be in school for at least another 5 years.

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The Friday Ritual

Recently, we've started this ritual of going to Wegman's on Friday evening for dinner. They have some really great wings at the food court and reasonably priced + yummy-licious sushi. There's also a new favorite of mine seabreeze salad which consists of fresh seaweed drizzled with sesame seed oil. For 15 dollars and some change, we enjoyed a really great meal.

After dinner, we would head to Barnes and Nobles and browse through books/magazines/manga for the next 2 hours. This is usually around 9 by which time the store would be closing. So we walk next door to Tops and buy the week's groceries.

It's almost like a date and I really like it. I guess we never really "dated" much since we moved in together and see each other every day. But days like these are fun and I kinda regret that our time here is coming to an end. On the other hand, I'm kinda excited to go back too. I think I shall deem Friday nights our date nights from now on :)
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Liquidation

We're one step closer to selling our car. One prospective buyer has asked us to go for a buyer's check and I take it that she'll take it if all goes well. Hopefully that is the case and I will no longer have to worry about finding a good owner for my darling car. Yes, we treat the car like it's a little rombunctious baby. Well, more like a baby pet really. I think I will miss having him around.

The car currently consists of a significant portion of our monthly expenses but given the fun we've had with him, I think it was well worth it. I probably can't say the same for a car in Singapore. We've been relatively sedentary and our longest driving trip is the one to New York City. The car is more like a glorified shopping cart but without it, we wouldn't have access to cheaper groceries so that sort of covers a little of the cost of ownership.

Anyway, I've been trying to sell off some of the items we've accumulated so far. I'm practically giving them away (which I will do when I really have to leave). I've already pledged my PC to charity, on my way to selling the car, got rid of a few unused household appliances, sent off the few books with resale value... but there's still so much junk. Personal belongings like pillows and comforters that I still have to discard.

I feel somewhat guilty for creating so much trash. I think disposal of solid waste is going to be a really big problem and we should play our part in reducing the amount of junk we create. Next time I buy something, I will try and ask myself: "Is this something you will use until it break?" Somehow milking everything out of my purchases seems to give me as evident when my jeans literally fell apart
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