Coding Woes

Yay, I actually managed to finish the SQL (Standard Query Language) problem in my problem set due today. ALL BY MYSELF!!!

(*singing/mangling*
All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymoreeeeeeeee
*end horrible singing*)

I have a low self-esteem. (well, admitting it is probably a good start) Unless I know a subject in great detail, I have a tendency to defer to others who are in actuality probably knows about as much as I do. I wonder how many times my self-esteem (note: lack of) has contributed to my failure to perform that task.

Somehow, when it comes to programming, I'm feel even more vulnerable and clueless than usual. *Somehow* I also persist in taking courses that require me to learn it. Like this IT course. I've always felt the need to conquer my worst field. Call it a sadistic streak. There's a great sense of satisfaction derived from overcoming the worst intellectual hurdle you can find. It makes me feel like I can overcome anything.

Haha, to think of it, maybe my determination to work on something I'm not good at doesn't do my esteem any good since I'm more likely to fail in the endeavor. In lab this Wednesday, we were supposed to write some html, javascrip and asp code. One of the questions required us to mix javascript and asp. Lectures so far have only covered very basic code structure and standard tags, so we were pretty much stumped. The code refused to compile. Online help was limited. The TA was busy teaching the other kids. We just fumbled with the same lines of code that just refused to even compile. My head was getting light. Voices started to grate in my ears. The tag on my shirt was chaffing me in every way possible. I felt the urge to kick something (I kinda kick the CPU *guilty look*) My mind was blanking out.

The sense of frustration was getting waaaay way to familiar. Kinda like the first time I learnt Java. Same feeling of helplessness. Like being trapped in a spherical room with no door.




Songs that I just remembered I enjoyed:
Born Slippy by Underworld
Block Rockin' Beats by Chemical Brothers

New Favorite Dance Artists: BT and DJ Tiesto

"New" celebrity fact: Savage Garden split and Darren Hayes is doing solos.