Approaching the Third Trimester

I'm now in my 25th week and soon crossing over to the third trimester. This is indeed the honeymoon period of the whole pregnancy. No morning sickness and not too much excessive weight and the pains that comes with it. I have been having some leg cramps in the middle of the night and slight back aches but they are still tolerable at this point. In fact, I feel just like my normal self except with a distended belly.

I think I'm developing pathophobia (fear of disease). Ever since the H1N1 virus went rampant, I've been avoiding enclosed crowded places and I've been trying to stay away from people who obviously have the flu. The problem is that most people in Singapore are quite inconsiderate when it comes to containing diseases. I've had a few colleagues who are sick and been told by the doctor to go home but insist on staying in the office because they are just oh-so indispensable that if they don't get something done today, the company is going to collapse. In fact, they would still calmly eat lunch at the same table with me, bravely suffering their sniffling.

This morning, on the bus to work, I sat next to an equally dutiful employee who was holding a partially used tissue which she used to dab at her nose every 5 minutes, while wheezing like darth vadar through out the whole 30 minute journey. If I could find myself a sterilizing room, I would walk in right this instant. The amazing thing is that through all the flu-ridden people that I've encountered so far, I've managed to stay virus free.

Granted I've been actually eating more healthily than before -- more fruits, more water, less junk food. It wasn't a conscious decision, it's just that most food don't taste as great anymore. What's the point of eating a sinful piece of fried chicken if you are not enjoying it? Well's let's hope for an uneventful third trimester as well.
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Our (Still) Genderless Baby

Now that I'm getting into the 5th month, my tummy is starting to really show. I didn't seem to have put on much weight in the past month though. So far, my limbs and face still look like normal, just that my belly and waistline has expanded.

So far, I've only bought a few maternity work outfits - 3 dresses, 2 shirts and 3 tops in a bigger size and a Bellaband. The good thing about the band (it's like a tube top) is I can still wear some of my pre-pregnancy pants. Esp those I bought right after I came back from the US when I still have all that extra weight (The next time we live in the US or overseas, we're definitely gonna cut our portions! I still remember when I just came back, one plate of chicken rice looked so dismal that I could definitely have eaten two of them) I think 80% of my old clothes still fit, so we'll see if I can last on such a limited wardrobe. Somehow, I'm reluctant to invest time and energy to look for/buy clothes I'll be wearing for just another 4 months.

Oh, baby has been increasingly active recently, kicking a little since last week. The Mr has managed to catch one of the kicks as well when I put his hand on my tummy. But repeating that feat was difficult since baby isn't very cooperative at the moment. This week, I should be able to find out the gender. Just to note, I will not dress baby in any article of pink. In fact, I should just go buy blue baby clothes since it makes no difference what gender he/she will be. Will update again end of the week.

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Dumb people that Annoy me

Sometimes you wonder if dumb people exist in this world just to make you feel smart. After all, if everyone was smart, I'd probably think I'm quite mediocre. I'm not defining smart by IQ per se but more on the ability to act based on common sense (and hopefully also some common courtesy).

There's this idiot colleague, I'll call him Edo, who has been doing many things that make me want to kick him in the nuts. One time, we were at a colleague's wedding dinner and he met C who used to work in my ex-dept. He asked C if he misses my ex-dept which is notorious for the stress and long hours. So C told him, why didn't he ask me the same question since I was there even longer. And Mr Edo said 'Well, the guys are the ones who go home later. The girls usually go home earlier anyway.' It was such an insult to all the slogging I did and is now being continued by another female friend. I told him right off the bat that it is a very sexist comment. He blatantly ignored me and continued chatting happily about other things.

Another time, another bunch of colleagues were discussing a system related problem to brainstorm on some possible solutions to present to boss. (They discussed near my cubicle so I saw). Mr Edo was not even paying attention or participating in the discussion. In fact, he took over someone else's desktop and started typing away in it. Shortly after, before their discussion even ended, he simply stood up and went back to his seat, leaving the rest puzzled. He then proceeded to send an email to the bosses, cc-ing the other colleagues, with *his* suggestions on how to solve the problem. How nasty is that... talk about lack of teamwork.

Then today, he irritated me again because he is down with the flu. The doctor gave him an MC and he refused to take it. So there he was sniffling with the flu, in this H1N1 pandemic, eating across me in the same table for lunch. He claimed that he did not have fever so it was okay. At that point, I should have told him to stop being such a self-centered bastard. It is precisely people like him that spreads the disease to the unknowing. Many adults who contract H1N1 in fact do not develop a fever. Thanks for your attempt to infect this pregnant lady who is in fact in the high risk group. On hindsight, I should have just stood up and walk away in disgust. Somehow I can't bring myself to do something rude like that. But really, I should. Just to send the message across. I think I'm too silly that way =[

There are more stories about this idiotic colleague. Like how he started telling us some story about a cabin crew try to pick him up on a flight. *roll eyes* I'm pretty sure he's making these stories up to garner attention. But I'm getting tired of him. I should really ignore him when he talks to me.

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Apprehension to Change

It's funny how one can crave change yet feel so apprehensive about it. We were afraid of stagnating in place, our of sheer inertia, but now that the changes are coming in waves, I grow worried. Maybe the fearfulness is a conditioned survival response - the body craves routine and predictability. Even as our brain rationally knows that it will decay without new challenges.

In actuality, we work for a company where we can be reasonably "successful" if only we could convince ourselves to stay. I say successful in quotation because it's really success in the eyes of the common people i.e get promoted with a dependable and decent salary etc. Granted, we would be bored out of our skulls and the bureaucracy would be annoying to bear, but nontheless we would do okay.

But in my mind, that would be a meaningless existence. Basically, we have quite low levels of monetary/material requirements - we don't care about branded stuff, big houses, fancy restaurants, big cars etc. So earning oodles of moolah isn't top on our priority list. All I want from life right now is to find something I'll like doing, something that has more meaning than pushing paper and tweaking digits to suit someone's whims and fancies.

So here we are then, at the juncture of the quarterly life crisis... well not really crisis. Just more like determined to get out of that scary routine life we might have been sucked into. So it's something we really want to do but I guess I can't help but feel a little scared (maybe a little excited?). Coz in the end, change could go either way.
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Pitter Patter of Little Feet (aka What's Next?)

And just as I come to my blog to talk about our recent decision, I saw e*'s comment about the pitter patter of little feet. Is it coincidence, or is it just my biological clock ticking? When I was younger, I decided that if I were to ever have kids, I would have them before 30. Can't remember exactly why (think it's related to possible medical complications/IQ etc), but the number 30 stuck. It's a magical barrier that cannot be breached. At that time, I also decided in a childish whim that I want to be married by 28, so that arbitrary criteria I have fulfilled.

As of Apr 15th, we were both free to resign from the company. I've been hatching some grand plans recently. Firstly, we thought about the "What's next?" (or rather I thought and Mr. CEO concurred....let me "complain" about this another time).

Version 1
We decided that furthur studies would be good. It would be a springboard to go back and work in the USA. Yes, yes financial crisis, global recession and all (all now includes swine flu), I missed what little I saw of the work culture in the US. So we though, "ok, maybe he can go for an MBA". Since we are not likely to get any financing, this is going to be expensive, we probably shouldn't both be in school at the same time. I can either bum around, finish off CFA and maybe get a job nearby. So this was version 1 of the Long Term Plan (LTP)

Version 2
Then I went for a course called Microskills by this guy called Tim Russell. It was decently interesting but the part I like most was classifying personalities by our value system. It was not revolutionary but it made sense. In fact, that probably made it easier to accept since it's not some fancy schmancy theory that doesn't appeal to our common sensibilities. I was a high green type (logical, mathematical, bean-counter) and low in blue (social, helping others) and red (aggression, success-oriented). Doesn't mean I can't be sociable or don't want to succeed, but they are just less important to me than doing things "right". Anyway he's also a green type (a lil bit less so) and definitely not ambitious. More like stubborn cattle that needs a good prod. And apparently greenies like to be in jobs like researching, accounting etc. So that where LTP v2 came about. So we decided to switch from MBA to PHD....(And I already went ahead and got a GMAT book. Sometimes it sucks to be organized and efficient)

Version 2.1
Then I read about this guy who had not so great grades but got into Stanford for a PHD program in Psychology and one of the pointers he gave was to go volunteer to be a research assistant. FOC if necessary. So I thought rather than waste time in a job he didn't love, why not take the opportunity to try and work in a lab. It'll be good experience to have for his application but actually more importantly, I wanted him to see if he will enjoy researching and if he didn't like it, we can work on plan B, whatever that might be. So he's been in contact with some professors and should be meeting them soon to see if an internship is possible.

Version 2b
So that's mostly his part of the plan. Then it struck me that from now till next year admissions, there would still be more than 12 months. So if we have a kid now, he/she will be 3-6 mths when we need to migrate. I was having some misgivings about having a baby overseas with no friends and family supporting me even though I would really love to let my kid be American (would definitely help them with getting financial aid and admissions). Having a first child now would help me get accustomed to motherhood while fulfilling my pre-30 childbirth checklist. Maybe then, if I still have the guts to have a 2nd child, I will be able to handle it on my own overseas. But I can predict that a grandson will be a great lure for both our parents to visit frequently... Especially since it will be a first for both of them. Or maybe my mum will be sad that she won't be able to see it for long periods of time. Don't think it will be easy for her to travel to US by herself. Ok, let's leave these practicalities aside. Most importantly, we've decided to give it a shot (hur hur no pun intended). If we happen to be somehow barren/infertile/have lazy sperm, then too bad. We are both somewhat indifferent to the prospect of having a child. Both lifestyles have their unique attraction for us. So we'll see how it goes.
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I'm Afraid of Loving Myself

I'd like to think that childhood scars fade with time but as it stands, the gleaming, hairless, gnarled lump of flesh under my knew where I had to be stitched up still looks as tender as it had 10 years ago. What more the emotional scars I received from those I thought were my friends.

I was telling him yesterday that I wish we would have boys instead of girls. Because girls can be so much more cruel than boys can be. Boys who dislike you will be in your face about it. These are missiles you can see and fight; girls will continue pretending to be your friend but speak venom into the ears of those around you and then when they can hide in the face of multitudes, they descend like packs of hyenas and tear you up. So it happenned once when I was in primary school and I could brush it off and just move on. And then it happenned again a few years later with a whole new set of girls. There is the sinking feeling that maybe it's me, I am someone who cannot be loved.

I did what I could to survive. I distanced myself from people. When you look at them at a lofty height, everyone look like ants, bustling but insignificant. But I think I've made a habit of it that I don't know how to open up to people. Maybe deep down, I'm afraid that they will see this darkness in me when they really know me and they will shun me. Logically, I don't think it's true but it's hard to to stop myself from thinking the worst. If I expect the worst possible, surely I will not be disappointed anymore.

A while back, I thought I was over it. That I am beyond these pain caused by the whims of probably jealous youth. I think I only succeeded in running away and pretending to be ok. I have to do it now, look it in the eye and conquer this fear that I am someone who cannot be loved. Even as he loves me, I don't think I fully believe that he does. After all these years, I still think that maybe he will see this pustulent creature that others before him have seen and then he will be gone. What I know as truth is only truth for me alone. If everyone else agrees on the same lies, that will become the new reality and I will be the monster. I don't think I can ever be rid of this fear of being hurt but I think it's time to move on even if it's just another small baby step.


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Excel Queen

I'm starting to be known at work as the Excel Queen. People would come to me to get help with pivot tables, esoteric functions like vlookup and even programming macros. So much so that I'm starting to imagine that I can start an excel consultancy.

It's quite amazing how many people use excel simply as a table to put data in. They still manually key in formulas/cut and paste even for things that can be automated. If only they can discover the small wonders of excel, they would work so much faster. Honestly, this company could do with the productivity boost.
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I'm an Alien

It's funny how other people try to be different from others yet end up doing exactly the same things whereas try as I may to be the same, I will always be different. I guess you could say I don't really try hard enough. I want to be accepted but I don't want to change. I'm truly happy being the way I am. Except, I wonder, why there are so few who are just like me. I just want people who would take me as I am, who value the same things that I do. I feel like the last survivor of a dying race, pretending to live among people who are not my own but yearning for a place where I don't have live a farce to be accepted. Maybe there are more like me, each closeted by their perception of solitude.

The more people I meet though, the more convinced tbat what I value and the way I think are very different from those of many of my peers. I feel old, like I've entered a 4th dimensional world but everyone else is not and all they think is that I've gone daft. But I'm not and I can't get them to see the way I do. I hate how there are times when I know I am right but truth is just a popularity contest and murmurs of lies amidst the multitudes becomes the new reality. So powerless is the strenght of one.



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Domesticated

I think my motherly instincts must be catching up to me. That or I'm sick of life in the corporate world. If I could have my way, I would hide in a little room as a mad scientist, analyzing data and thinking up wild experiments. Ok, I concede that this isn't the motherly part I was refering to. But recently, I've been thinking of retiring from life chasing some corporate ladder. I realize that I do not have the temperament for it. While I can act assertively and do the necessary for those in a leadership position, I don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy being with people.



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Fear in the Air

As with many countries around the world, THE company is looking at major capacity cuts. And the region I'm overseeing is worse than others. And things get worse even as we implement deep scalebacks in capacity and the fear is starting to permeate all levels of staff, cascading from the near panic I'm sensing from the upper management. But deep in my gut, I also think that we may be overreacting but the environment is one where we'd rather err on the side of caution.

I'm going into 4 months at my new role but things have become stale again. While I like the comforting routine of the operational aspect (which means I get home on time), I have become bored from how pointless it can be. Actually I'm worried about sinking into depression myself (pun intended). It may be a combination of bad sleep, annoying work and him not being here for me to vent to. So I'm like this tired, grumpy, disilluioned person today. Let's hope for a better tomorrow.

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Where's the Excitement?

If I was going to a totally new working environment, would I feel more excitement than this quiet dread? My lack of interest in the new job is a little disconcerting to me because for me lack of interest really means that I'll do a terrible job. For some reason, I do really poorly in thinks I've lost interest in. Like a boring essay topic, or dry lectures + lecturers. I've gone through many subjects in school by finding interest in them. Otherwise, I don't think I would have done as well as I did. The ones that I didn't, totally flunked out on me.

Hopefully I will find some spark in the work I am assigned, considering I did not even have a choice in the matter. But I guess this wil be like going back to where it all began -- the very first internship that inspired me to study operations research instead of the more traditional engineering fields.

Sadly, I can probably muster more enthusiasm for the upcoming WoW expansion even though I've stopped playing for a few months.

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Am I Emotionally Distant?

A colleague quit today. I wasn't particularly surprised since she's another one liberated from her bondage. It seems a few of my colleagues already knew about it earlier. It's not that I'm eager for such news but I wonder if I really am emotionally detached compared to the other girls. It's probably not a big deal and I'm just overanalyzing other's responses towards me.

But I was also the last to know about a few other colleagues who were in a relationship with people around the company. Rationally, I could attribute some of it to my lack of interest in gossip. I'm not really interested in who's with who and who did what. If they wanted me to know, they would have said it themselves right? And if they wanted to hide, I wouldn't bother to pry.

I may be grasping on straws but cumulatively the evidence seems to suggest that I'm not someone that people normally talk to. Is it really true that I'm emotionally distant?

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Random Ramblings

Slight breathing space as the dragons are busy with other work that I'm not involved in. Seriously though, my work generally leaves me fairly independent. I love the bits where I build a model though the mindreading/finetuning in the end usually leaves me a little frustrated since it takes up so much time.

I'm not sure why people seem to think that my boss is very demanding. I mean, yes she is demanding but I actually enjoy that aspect of her. I think it's easier to take pride in your work when people hold you to higher standards. It's annoying at times to be as detailed as she wants you to be because of the time constraints and I end up making annoying mistakes due to the rush which really ticks me off.
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Side note, I had my haircut about a month ago and it's starting to look like how I intended it when I told the hairdresser to give me a chin length fringe. She seemed a little shocked at my request which made me waver but now I'm really loving it. A soft fringe that ends near the chin to mask my round face and longer hair at the back. The longer hair by the side and back has these really nice wavy look to it today, which really made my day. In reality, it's probably not half as pretty as I think it looks.

What I'd really want to try is to get curls at the ends of my hair but I think it's a bit too much maintenance for me. I want a simple kind of routine where I can wake up brush my hair and go.
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The 6-month Qn

My colleague K came up with an interesting question about what you would do if you had 6 mths to do whatever you wanted, constraints like financials aside.

I realize that in the end I still want to write. But I think I need more life experiences to write the kind of books that I want. I need a better understanding of people.
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An Affair with Work

I liken my relationship with my company to a marriage. I've been thinking of leaving when the end date arrives but a niggling part of my mind questions, should I really leave at the first sight of things not going my way? It seems like I'm running away from the problem. Should I then stay and try to change the environment instead?

From a personal viewpoint, I've enjoyed my work here. I like working with my current boss and I've picked up good working ethics. But I've been here for too long. I'm no longer learning anything new. I should have been moved to another department to grow other aspects of my professional skills but the company has deprived me the priviledges that others have been granted.

I told myself before I ever got into any relationship that I would never put up with abuse. Especially physical abuse. If a guy ever hits me, that's it for the relationship. I believed that abuse should never be tolerated. It signals a lack of basic respect for a fellow human being, regardless of whether you love someone. People are not objects that you can throw around; they will feel pain.

In my mind, I knew you can only change someone only if they feel a sincere need to change themselves. And even then, fundamental beliefs will remain the same. By the age of 18 and beyond, most of the ideas that make you uniquely you has crystallized. Your personality can change but you can change what you believe in easily. I didn't want to enter into any relationship expecting to morph the person I'm with into the ideal I have. I wanted to accept the ones I love, just the way they are.

Maybe it's naive of me to apply this to a company. Do I want to fall in love with it? We no longer live in an age of life-long employment yet I have such fanciful notions of the groups that I belong to. I do not enjoy the act of leaving. I want to be loyal to a cause I believe in. I would not leave because someone offered me a better paying job but I would leave if my company does not show appreciation for who I am and what I do.

Even in a game such as World of Warcraft, I took my guilds very seriously. When I left my previous guild, I was truly unhappy. Then I joined the current one and have stuck with them for the 1+ year ever since. Through the thick and thins, it was a long journey and many of those that I know are no longer even there. Why then do I still stay? In the end, perhaps I am still living in a land of fairies and honor and justice. How do such archaic notions fit in this world?
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Delusions of the Creatures of Vice

So I lament yet again about the poor quality of my writings but in truth, I'm glad that I write at all. Right now, I just want to subscribe to the thought of quantity over quality. I used to want to be a writer. It's still a small dream of mine but I think to improve and get back that writer's mindset, I can only continue to write, however poor they turn out to be. As I go along, it's nice to be able to chronicle my thoughts about people and things around me. Maybe many years down the road, if I stray from the path called "I", I will remember what it was like to be the me now that I enjoy being.

There is this old 50+ year old guy in my department. As is the norm in his time, he had very little education. He barely even knew English at that time. After 30+ years, he is still at his old position doing similar work. The company was quite generous in the early years in giving out stock options and those who stayed long enough would have had a tidy sum to retire with. But this old chap frittered it all away on luxury goods, women and alcohol because he wanted to live the high life. He would boast to us about how he spent hundreds on a night on karaoke or how he generously bought an expensive dish of kobe beef for a girl he saw at a restaurant. And all the while, he living on borrowed money. He owes a large sum to creditors and I imagine that his financials are in dire straits.

The company recently awarded him about $1000 as a token appreciation for his long service. From what I can hear, he has spent it all gambling. He was loudly proclaiming to his colleagues that if he still had the money he would have treated them to lunch but he already spent it before it was even received.

"The possibility of winning is slim but at least I bought some hope. If I don't gamble, there is not even any hope left", he said. Is this the mentality of gamblers? I'm personally not a gambler. It's interesting but me and darling have no interest in the vices: gambling, drink, smoking. In fact, we stand quite strongly against smoking and dislike alcohol.

The sad part is, many Singaporeans believe that having money will make them happy. The old man above continued, asking his colleague to spend her windfall money treating him to lunch instead, "Just spend the money on other people and make them happy. And it will make you feel rich". And at some point you realize that some people like him cannot be saved. Instead of thinking about what he did wrong, he was blaming God for not helping him (win the lottery) especially since, in his own words, he is such a kind and generous person. Do people really think that money is everything? There are ways you can be kind without money. The way he was boasting about obnoxiously makes a scene at customer services, or calling up employees of banks and harass them, I can hardly believe so.

It is people like him that makes me feel strongly against welfare. I do not want to give money to people, old, pathetic or otherwise who do not even help themselves. If he spent all his money frivolously and ended up in poverty, I do not want to be the one supporting those like him. There might be people who sincerely need funds to pick themselves back up but an indiscriminate welfare system that will help support the dregs of society just feels wrong to me.
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The Get-by Age

My apologies for the quality of my writing. It partly has to do with me rushing them out at the office in between phone calls, work and other distractions. Sometimes I reread them and they make no sense at all. Instead of having a consistent thread of though drawn out from me, all I got is a bundle of knots.

I am getting annoyed with work again. Firstly, I just realized that this work that Finance passed to me had an error in it. Well we were short of one resource and they made a mistake in representing that as one additional...It's partly my fault for trusting their summarized number in the first place.But I had no time to look through it at all since I was rushing another project. So now I'm picking up the pieces. Then there was another suggestion by a. sales to move forward some of the resource without considering that a) we need a counter-movement to that to maintain our requirements and b) those are committed resources that we shouldn't move. Granted this fellow from a.sales is serving his 3 mths so there's probably no motivation to get it right. But I get annoyed with people who don't put in the effort. In a sense, I like the way I do things. I try to summarize the changes that I do so that it's easier for people to understand what I have been doing.

But it surprises me to see the attitude of those around me who do just enough to get-by. I guess I shouldn't be so annoyed because this is one feature that distinguishes the wheat from the chafe
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Resentment

A male colleague was ranting to us about the low pay, the poor working environment (why doesn't the company pay for transportation?). While they might be valid to some extent (the pay is truly not fantastic, and it is very far from civilisation), I find it hard to see where the resentment comes from. Especially from someone who has not even tried to adapt to the work culture or put in effort in his work.

Indeed Singaporeans are a materialistic bunch. This chap was doing part time work in his spare hours to supplement his income. But it is nowhere a necessity. Me and my partner both work in the same poorly paid job but we are well off enough. Money is honestly not the reason why I would quit my job. Basically, you can't pay me enough to make me stay. But even if I don't like my job, I won't slack off and leave the dirt to someone else to clean up after me. I wouldn't do unethical things like push to the front of the queue to get a seat and deprive someone of their rightful ownership. It's shameless. If you think it's okay and blame it on the environment, then you heart is not set right. Is it really alright for the ends to justify the means? Honestly, even though I thought he was an outright slacker, I'm disappointed that he doesn't have the integrity to be fair to other people. It's a big disgrace. And there he was complaining that because of the company, people were shoving each other as they get out. It's not the fault of the company that people shove their way out of the door at 5:20pm. 10 minutes before the official end of the day.

And then shortchanging on the bus fare because you had to stand? Why don't you just not get on? Yes, the company could have done better by providing additional shuttle buses to the nearest MRT but that doesnt make it alright to do things that pleases you but penalizes others.
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The Managing Model

So I finally got the meeting set up yesterday. After all the time wasting emails, all it took was for the two bigshots to agree on a time and everything else would have fell into place. But no, I had to send multiple emails to the parties involved, call up secretaries, try to get them to make space for this meeting and in the end, all it took was for one of the bosses to make a decision on the time.

To begin with, I think the working model for the company is untenable. The management is so busy with meetings that he does not have room for ad-hoc matters that requires their attention. How then does he get time to think about vision and strategy for the company? That should be the job of the top executives not just the CEO. Sure, their job is to look at the more micro details that does not reach the Chief Executive but if all they do is minutia, what separates them from the other workers? The scary part about not having time to think is that they are more easily steered by the recommendations of the various operating departments who work in isolated silos. Information can be couched and presented in a different light to support a local cause that may not align with the companies goals.

I believe that people should be allowed to work at slightly under capacity to allow for recuperation and room for additional ideas. There are so many projects that I would like to start that will help with productivity or knowledge preservation which the department is sorely lacking. But what little I have done in my spare time, I have neither time to organize, rethink or present in a manner that will make them useful.

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A Journey of Self Searching

I'm determined to find the something that is my calling. For both me and Johnny, our material needs are easily taken care of. We know we can get by with fairly little.

This morning, I was once again trying to organize a meeting for several bigshots of the company and it really makes me depressed. Why I really hate this activity is a bit of a mystery. It's not so much that it's secretarial work but the fact that these people are just not very cooperative. Or rather their schedules are packed too tightly and we are unable to get them for urgent and important meetings. It's true that it's on short notice but there are decisions that need to be made. The company moves like an emcumbered dinosaur, where the top execs are too busy attending to every small detail that there is no time for other things. There's always meetings after meetings to attend. Everything is done in a committee form. And the departments fight among themselves to safeguard their own interests which I feel are not necessarily aligned with that of the shareholder.

So I still dunno why it pains me to do this. Maybe it's just dull work...
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